


Teenage Wasteland

by CTBM



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: A lot going on really, Absent Parents, Bi-Polar, Bi-Sexual, Depression, Drug Use, Mental Illness, Race, Skins-inspired, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, girl meets world - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2018-09-16 01:15:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 28,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9267236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CTBM/pseuds/CTBM
Summary: A Skins inspired Girl Meets World fanfiction.





	1. Maya

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Hi there! Welcome to Teenage Wasteland. If you're here, I'm assuming that you're a fan or familiar with Skins as a show but for those who aren't please note that there will be underage sex and use of drugs and alcohol, as well as storylines dealing with mature themes, such as mental illness and race. That being said, when reviewing please keep in mind that this story is listed 'M' for a reason. Another reminder, which honestly goes for all my stories: I am not a native New Yorker, so I'm bound to make a mistake about locale or directions.
> 
> I left another note about how I'm treating the GMW canon in this story at the end. For now though, enjoy reading!

She felt the cold phone vibrate in the middle of her bare chest. It was the last alarm. Wincing, she opened her sleepy eyes to read the text, although she knew what it said. It always said the same thing.

_good morning peaches! :)_

Truth be told, if it wasn't for Riley's annoying mass greeting texts every morning, Maya might never wake up. The city was crying with car horns and carrying voices of her neighbors on their stoops. It was the middle of February but Maya continued to sleep in the nude. Although, she didn't love her body, Maya liked to be naked. It felt powerful to her, instead of vulnerable. She dragged herself from her bed and massaged her ruffled, blonde scalp. Her pet ferret crossed her feet and she picked her up, saying hello and kissing her (or him, she didn't really know). Then, Maya looked out her window to admire sherbet colors melting against the buildings. She walked over to her closet, tossing garment after garment on her bed to find her leotard for her dance class. After taking a sink shower because the shower head was broken, brushing her teeth and getting dressed, Maya sat in front of her vanity mirror.

She stared at her face for a long time then at the drugstore makeup on her counter before lightly pulling at the corners of her mouth and eyes, sighing. She didn't think any of it actually made her look better or older. Not to Josh, anyway. She balled up her hair into a ballerina's bun, thinking about how Mrs. Kossal would make her stand on her toes for being tardy again. She packed her phone and house keys into her self-decorated backpack, next she grabbed her leather jacket from the floor and jet out of her shoe-box of a room.

In the living area, her mother was passed out on the couch. Maya went hurriedly to the refrigerator, just to pour her some orange juice and leave her two aspirin on a plate. Placing the breakfast on the coffee table Maya leaned over Katy, trying not to inhale the stench of Smirnoff's. She blew a kiss over her forehead to bless her, then made her speedy exit. But not before locking all five locks on the their door.

* * *

Maya was late again. During warm-ups, she crept inside and dropped her dirty back-pack in the pile of PINK and Nike gym bags. Quickly, she fit between two girls that could be mistaken for her twins, except they were taller and their noses were much pointier. They eyed Maya up and down, then continued to focus on their own feet. After the warm-up, the girls huddled around their instructor, Mrs. Kossal. Maya tried hiding behind someone, but it was no use.

"Miss Hart?"

Shyly, she peaked behind the tallest dancer, raising one index finger, "Present."

"You know the rules, Miss Hart. _En pointe_ for 60 seconds, let's go." Mrs. Kossal snapped her fingers and Maya obeyed.

Mrs. Kossal's dance class was on the Upper East Side. Maya resided in lower Manhattan. When she first heard on the free class for intermediate learners, she knew that it was going be a pain in the ass to get there every Saturday but she loved to dance. She did it years 10-13, she was apart of the community center training program but her mother couldn't keep up with the payments.

Being a trained dancer was expensive. Tuition for regular ballet classes is the greatest overall expense. At the top tier of ballet schools — where students who hope to become professional dancers typically seek to train — those core 15 years of training cost a median of about $53,000. Maya could only dream of someone who could just give away that kind of cash - well, maybe Farkle. And, maybe the other girls in her class, who were just there for the extra practice.

When she was on her 53rd second, Maya fumbled. She heard a snicker, a snicker that sounded especially snotty. Maya glared in the direction of the sound and her upper lip was twitching, like all someone had to say was 'sick her' and she would pounce. Maya hasn't been in many fights but these bitches from Uptown would be easy.

"60. Good job, Miss Hart. Try not to be late again, please?" Mrs. Kossal had her hands on her hips.

"Yes, Mrs. Kossal."

She would be late again, this everyone knew. It was disrespectful, considering that out of the goodness of her heart, Andrea was giving this extra help away. Still, Mrs. Kossal didn't see passion in the other girls' eyes. They had technique and drive, but no fire. Maya Hart was definitely the sloppiest and most inexperienced but when she really worked, she could shine with the best of them. A former dancer herself, Mrs. Kossal could see who wants it more. Maya wants it the most.

Often after class, Maya would use the space to practice some more and create choreography to contemporary songs. Sometimes, her other friend - Zay, maybe his name was - would join her. Today, though, he wasn't there. From the shadows of the doorway, Mrs. Kossal watched Maya rehearse the dance from Kehlani's music video, _The Way_.

Her blonde hair fell around her shoulders as she moved. When she was not underneath the strangling control of training and the pressure of keeping up with her classmates, Maya was as elegant as a bird. There was such a magnetism in her poise and attitude, that no one could take their eyes off her. She floated with precision and confidence on the floor. Maya had a gift and she should know it.

Impressed but discreet, Mrs. Kossal revealed herself after Maya decided to take a break and get some water. The bottle was pressed to her thirsty lips as caught Mrs. Kossal's eyes on her. The younger girl was frozen when she saw her teacher walking towards her with a knowing smile and arms crossed.

"Trying to drown yourself with that water bottle?" The woman joked, noting that Maya held that Smart Water against her mouth for at least two minutes.

Embarrassed, she slowly set it down. "I'm dehydrated."

"Uh-huh. Maya, do you think I'm someone you can bullshit?"

Maya stammered, never hearing the woman curse before and never wanting to offend someone she respected so much, "No, no, Mrs. Kossal - "

"OK, then tell me why you come to my class. I've been watching you for the past two years. You never miss a weekend but you're always late and seemingly disengaged. You do care about dancing, don't you?"

"More than anything. Mrs. Kossal... When I dance, I just feel all my problems melt away. When I move, I feel like I'm strong enough to move the world with me. Dancing is the only way I can express myself, be myself. Please don't kick me out of your class, I know I'm not as good as the others - "

"Maya." She cut her off, her tone sincere. "My darling girl, I would never kick you out of my class. You're my favorite student."

Her worried face softened into a smile. "Really?"

"Although the other girls definitely have more education about dancing than you, to me you have the most potential and love for this. I want to help you learn more and get better but I need to know that you want this."

Wanting. The feeling of wanting was not foreign to Maya. She wanted to dance around the world. She wanted her first kiss to be with Josh Matthews, quiet and slow. She wanted her father to come back and at least apologize for abandoning her and her mother all those years ago. Maya wanted a lot of things that just weren't to come true. It wasn't anyone's fault; it was just life. Maya didn't even have the grades to make it out of 11th grade probably, let alone out of New York. Josh Matthews barely entertained the prospect of them being a couple, other than admitting that she was beautiful a while back at his niece Riley's 15th birthday party. Lastly, she hasn't even seen her father since she was in preschool. He picked her up from daycare, said a lot things that she didn't remember, gave her a long hug and walked away. Wanting things doesn't make them happen and it just hurts more when they don't. Wanting things was useless. Hope was for suckers.

"Maya, I'd be willing to work with you more, if you were more willing. There's this summer program that I teach at. It's a sleep-away camp in Poughkeepsie."

Back down to earth, Maya replied, "Mrs. Kossal, I appreciate it but I could never afford that."

"I know, that's why you wouldn't have to pay for it. I would take you in as a scholarship student. How are your grades?"

"... They could be better." Maya's grades could be a lot better if she turned in homework.

"Well, I'll just say that you were recommended by someone of great prestige - me." They both giggled, then seriously Mrs. Kossal put her hands on her shoulders, transferring her weight. "But Maya, if you want to do this, I'm going to need your birth certificate, social security card and parental approval by next class. Everything needs to sent in by March. Please, if you want this, show me."

Maya gulped as she was handed the application packet, muttering to herself, "Well, fuck me up." She looked over the American Ballet Company packet, before realizing that Mrs. Kossal was still in front of her with an amused look. "I-I'm sorry, Mrs. Kossal, I didn't mean to... It's just that - "

"I believe in you, Maya Hart. I expect great things from you, my darling girl." The older woman gave her a grin. "And if I don't get them, I _will_ fuck you up."

* * *

Maya's face had to be looking pretty strange right now. She's never smiled longer than a second in her whole life. Unless she was dancing, high or with her friends, nothing else gave her so much joy. She sat on the steps of the library, waiting for her best friend. Her leg bounced with energy, barely being able to contain herself. She was given the opportunity to work on her craft with other dancers that hopefully, weren't as stuck up as the girls she had to dance with in Mrs. Kossal's class. Even if they were, she belonged there. Because Mrs. Kossal said so.

After being lost in her own happy thoughts - happy thoughts? - the literal ball of happiness was coming up herself. Riley's face and earmuffs matched the red and yellow cheerleader uniform she was wearing underneath her black coat. She jumped on Maya in a warm and generous hug.

"Hiiiii!" Riley dragged out the word squealing but suddenly, she pulled back. "Ooh, I'm not late, am I?"

"Of course not, Honey." Maya giggled.

"Oh, goody!" She pulled Maya off the step and held her hand. They walked together on the streets back to Greenwich Village, where Riley's parents were getting ready for Josh's appearance for a birthday dinner at their home. His birthday was actually the week prior, but the college student was getting through midterms at the time. He promised his New York family would see him after. Maya was OK with it; it was one week less spent with him but an extra week to prep. However, now with the added event of going to ballet camp in the summer, her mind was elsewhere.

Until, Riley stuffed a water-bottle of red juice in her face, commanding sweetly, "Try this!"

"OK," Maya agreed in confusion, tasting the fruit punch. "Mm, Koolaid."

"Koolaid, with amounts of Bacardi 151!" Riley corrected with a smile. "I finally got the proper ratio down for my perfect Jungle Juice! Now, I can't get too drunk but I can get a nice buzz without tasting a thing! Remind me to thank Farkle later." She tried to get her concoction back but Maya reached her arm further away.

"Do you think it's a good idea to get wasted before dinner with your family?"

Riley made a knowing smile before taking the bottle from her friend's fingers, "They won't know the difference anyway." Riley was a very unpredictable drunk. Sometimes, math actually worked and a positive plus a positive would equal a negative. She would start screaming and crying, becoming a hurricane of bad vibes. Yet other times, Riley would become even more the life of the party. It was almost scary for Maya to wait for either one to surface. "It's always 'Riley the Drama Queen," Riley droned, taking another sip.

"Riles, I got to tell you something..."

"Well, I'm just fulfilling my role. What they think they see, is what they're gonna get! Maybe. Who knows."

"Riley!" Ending the brunette's tangent, Maya held her face with her bare hands.

"Your hands are cold, Peaches."

She shook her blonde tresses, "I got into ballet camp, Riley. I got into one of the most exclusive ballet camps in the nation."

"What?!" The cheerleader yelped excitedly and started jumping as high as the clouds and Maya laughed. "Yay! Yay, Maya!" Riley came back to down to the ground, getting the breath to ask her questions, "But, wait, when did you apply? Where did you apply? How did you even audition? Can you afford this? How? Why didn't I know about this?"

The necessary questions were being shot at her so fast but Maya answered them all in one sentence, "My dance teacher said today that she thought it would be good for me, so she's fitting the bill."

"Hooray!"

"Yeah. Apparently, she really believes in me."

"Of course she does! What's not to believe in? You're Maya Hart! Oh, it's such a good day!" Riley wrapped her arms around Maya like a scarf as they started walking again.

"Yeah... " Maya trailed off, thinking. "Oh, God." She groaned.

"What? What's 'Oh, God'?"

"I have to tell my mom." She remembered. "I need her to get my birth certificate and all my records and shit."

"... Still not seeing the big deal, Peaches."

"The big deal, Honey, is that my mom is screw-up, OK?" Maya said, irritated. "The woman couldn't even remember when my career day was, remember?"

Riley nodded sadly, "Yes, I remember."

"It's like, the more I want something that involves her, the better chance it's not gonna happen."

"Maya, maybe if she sees how much you care about this - "

"Riley, I know my mom, OK? She's not like your parents. She definitely not Topanga and not even Cory on a good day. She's not a mom; I call her Katy and she says nothing! It's totally cool to her. How am I supposed to trust her to do this? To just be a parent, for once?" Needing relief, Maya opened the small compartment of her bag where her Marlboro Menthol cigarettes usually were. She forgot them was she rushing. Stressed, Maya pushed her hair from her face.

"What is it?" Riley asked.

"I left my cigs at home." Maya pouted.

Riley wasn't a tobacco smoker and rarely a weed smoker, so she had nothing to appease her friend. She looked up and saw that they were in front of a corner store that was sure to sell some.

"Wait here," Riley told Maya.

"Why?"

Riley went in calmly and seconds later, ran out yelling at Maya to run. No questions asked, Maya followed suit when she saw the man yelling in Arabic beginning to chase them. When the girls found an alleyway, Riley stopped to shake two cartons of Maya favorite cigarettes from her coat.

"Riley!" Maya scolded, with a disbelieving smile.

"What? Did I do something wrong?" Riley posed with a grin. Sirens rang out that could have been for anyone but they weren't taking any chances.

"Keep going!" Maya pushed Riley along and the jogged the rest of the way home, sore toes and all. Thank God Maya changed into her combat boots. So much better than her second hand pointe shoes.

* * *

Riley did not like the thought of Maya and Josh together. Maya? The closest thing she'd ever have to a sister and Riley has a lot of friends, but none like Maya. No one could ever touch her. Josh? Her uncle that was weirdly too close to her in age but it made them bond that much easier. Only three years apart, it felt more like Josh was her brother at times. Her brother and her sister? Dating? _Ew._

The word 'Ew', or any phrase of disgust was used each time Maya brought up "Uncle Boing". Maya didn't care, though. People could think it was weird. Hell, Josh thought it was weird and that's why they still weren't an item but she'd wear him down. She fantasized about it all the time. Wearing the boy down and out. Sex was still something imagined by Maya. The most heated moments she's ever had was a game of doctor with Riley in their younger years, an accidental hand kiss from Farkle and an almost real kiss with Lucas. But porn was easy to find, a little too easy once thanks to Farkle not erasing his search history and their group of friends had only two non-virgins: Lucas and Zay.

Zay was not as forthcoming with his sexuality. It would make him embarrassed and sad, because he and Vanessa parted ways. Lucas, however, would kiss and tell but only if he was asked by someone in the clique. Maya was curious and amused by Huckleberry's never-ending game with the girls and boys of Adams High School off the court and field. His last conquest was Missy Bradford, captain of the cheerleaders and HBIC. Maya loathed her just as much as in the 7th grade and Lucas told her she had to let that middle school shit go. Whatever. She had bigger, college fish to fry.

High school boys were so immature. Josh was not in high school; Josh is a man. In fact, he's no longer a teenager at all. He'd treat her with respect and kiss her properly. Hold her hand when she was upset, come to her recitals, protect her. All the time, he'd shower her with compliments that she's beautiful and smart and talented. Most of all, he'd never leave her. He'd be everything a true man should be for a girl.

The only problem was getting Josh to realize that he wanted to be that for Maya.

She sat at the Matthews' dinner table, gazing at Josh as subtly as possible. Maya studied how he smiled when he spoke about school and crossed her legs when he chuckled at something Auggie said. He'd make such a good dad. When the conversation wasn't about him, she had a moment to get him all to herself. Sort of. They were talking about Auggie trying out for baseball. Tossing the left over Red Velvet cake around on her plate, Maya slid forward, gently hitting Josh's leg. Becoming older, the girl became a lot more careful and cool in her flirting. Josh noticed, looking back at her ever so slightly before shifting his leg away. The tip of her boot found it and met side of his Chuck Taylor, caressing the side of his ankle. He covered his mouth, trying to hide the smile trying to sneak onto his face. Maya bit her lip and tilted her head at him innocently, winning the game of Footsies.

While everyone was distracted by Auggie, Riley caught on to their little sport. To deflect immediately, she blurted, "Family! Guess what? Our Maya has been accepted to ballet camp over the summer!"

"Really? Maya that's wonderful!" Topanga got up to hug the girl.

"I'm not really in yet. I have to get my papers in order." Maya uncomfortably relenting to Mrs. Matthews' embrace.

"Maya, that won't take any trouble to get." Cory added.

"Sorry, Matthews, have you met Katy Clutterbucket?"

Cory pursed his lips, not wanting to speak badly of Maya's mother. "Your mother tries her best. Maya, it's as good as done. You worked hard for something and you got it. Be proud of yourself. We are."

Riley put her arm around Maya and she leaned into her best friend. Auggie piped up, "I'm proud of having a full summer of the house to myself."

"That's it!" Maya threw her napkin down and chased Auggie into his room screaming. The rest of the Matthews clan laughed along.

At the end of the night, Riley, Auggie, Topanga and Cory were asleep on the couch in front of _Marley and Me._ Perfect family movie for the perfect family. It would make her sick, if she didn't wish to have that with her mother so much. Maya looked on from the kitchenette, when Josh was coming back from the bathroom. He decided he would get something to drink, then dip out. Maya stared back at him, arching her backside out a tiny bit with her light hair over her shoulders. He was extremely flattered that she was still interested in seducing him but worried too, because she was getting better at it.

"So, watcha' doin', Darlin'?" Maya asked just for Josh to hear.

"I'm about to head out."

"Oh, really? You know, I should be getting home as well. It's late."

"I thought you were spending the night here?" Josh squinted.

"Yeah, but I changed my mind." Maya shrugged. "Riley snores and I can't really get comfortable in bed with her. I like to sleep naked."

When Josh didn't know what to say to Maya's come-on's - which was often - he just laughed. Blushing, he continued, staring at his shoes, "OK, Kid. Get your coat." Now, he couldn't do anything but picture her without clothes, which is probably exactly what she wanted. Shit. Maya and Josh strolled to the Arianda Apartments, where she lived. Coming from Philadelphia, Josh was pretty used to seeing some extreme poverty and it was a shame that Maya didn't live that differently. She stood outside the main door, holding her keys off her pinky.

"So," Maya started. "You wanna come up?"

Josh erupted in incredulous laughter, "You're crazy, you know that?"

"C'mon, it's your birthday. What if I told you I had a present for you upstairs?"

"I don't think that present should be for me."

"That's weird because it has your name on it."

_Fuck._

Desperate and dizzy, as Maya being so close to him and faintly smelling some fruity body spray, Josh tried to speak to Maya's sense. "Maya. I'm 20. You're 17 - "

"I'll be 18 in September. That's less than 7 months away." She leaned into him and Josh kept his hands to himself.

"Waiting for a girl to turn 18. Now, _that_ doesn't make me feel predatory."

"Too bad, you'd look hot in orange."

Josh scoffed, staring down into her clear, blue eyes. "You just want me to get into trouble, don't you?" His voice was thick and low. There was heat pooling the bottom of Maya's stomach as the air he exhaled warmed her face. The college student didn't even feel himself about to kiss the girl, until a passing car flashed its bright lights, breaking the spell. Josh blinked tightly and backed off of Maya, leaving her to sigh longingly.

"Goodnight, Maya." Josh waved before walking away and not looking twice at her.

"Goodnight, Boing." Maya said to herself.

The many flights of stairs had Maya come down from her Josh-drunk state. For now, she was to enter the Lion's Den she called home. By now, her mother - who liked to be called Katy by all - would be getting ready to go to the bar. Maya even called her by her first name but more to be ironic. What's worse is that she was never reprimanded for it. In the daytime, Katy worked as a waitress at the Silver Sun Diner. At night, she was Katy the Barmaid thespian, taking bets from customers to recite lines from _Gone With the Wind_ after guzzling three pints of beer. Though her dreams of becoming a famous actress were long over since the birth of Maya Penelope, she still loved to act breezy all the time, like nothing was ever a big a deal. Katy turned every hardship or sucky event into a dramatic story-line that she needed to overcome. She turned her life into a movie and she was always the star.

Turning all the locks, Maya opened the door to see the same scene as always: Katy wearing something small and sparkly, doing her makeup in her compact mirror. She made a cheery smile toward her daughter, "Oh! Hey Maya! How was your day?"

"Good." Maya deadpanned.

"Oh, it is bound to be a slow night but no worries! A shotful of sugar makes the medicine go down!" Katy took a sip of Whiskey left in her spotty glass and shook it down with a whoop.

Maya knotted her eyebrows at her mother's sleeveless dress, "Don't you think you'll be cold in that, Katy?" The older woman looked down at her strapless black mini adorned with sequin.

Katy shrugged, "You know what they say: Some like it hot! And besides, skin equals tips, Babygirl!" Her mother walked like a giant in her pumps as she looked for her purse. Slowly gaining courage, Maya approached preoccupied Katy, holding her own hands.

"Actually, something did happen today. Something _really_ , really good."

"Damn it, where is that thing?"

"Katy?"

"I'm listening!"

"I got invited to go to this camp for dancing, over the summer." Maya tried to sound nonchalant.

"Uh-huh... Ah! There you are, you little scamp." Katy found the purse under the couch. Ginger must have been using it as a chew toy again. "I'm gonna cook that ferret, I swear to above..." Her fingers began to rummage through it, making sure it had all it's belongings.

"I need to turn in the permission slip by next Saturday, in order to go. And I need you to get my social security card and birth certificate. They need it."

Katy popped up from the couch and admired Maya's leather motocross jacket. "Hey, Babygirl, can I borrow that jacket? It'd go so much better with my outfit tonight."

In a puzzled daze, Maya took off her jacket and handed it over. "I really want this."

"I know! You love that jacket, I'll have it back by tomorrow. Promise."

"Jacket..? No, mom!" The word 'mom' struck Katy and made her look her hopeful daughter in the eyes. She hasn't heard it in what felt like forever. "Mom, this is so important to me. Please, please don't forget." Since she was four, Maya didn't remember asking her mother for anything. Not ponies or dolls, not even a Christmas gift. She learned to be grateful for whatever she did get. Now, she was asking for more than Katy might be able to give but she had to try.

Katy's amber brown eyes were glassy as she held Maya's head between her hands, "If it's important to you, Babygirl, then it's important to me too." She pulled her into a long hug.

"Super." It was strange to have her mother become so emotional and it was sad that Maya didn't know if she was acting or not. Still, she said OK, so it was a win. Now, she'd just have to wait. Maya would have to trust Katy. Easy.

* * *

Sike. Right after telling her mother about getting her information, Maya couldn't sleep a wink. All day on Sunday, she thought about just gently reminding Katy about it but then she'd get that wounded look from her and feel bad. She forgot about her birthday once. Fourteen year old Maya woke up alone, thinking that maybe Katy was out getting a cake or trying to fool her. She waited the whole day until her mother came strolling in, quickly making her dress change out of her waitress uniform. Talking fast and animated as always, Katy slipped on a cocktail dress and had Maya zip her up. She thanked her, kissed her on the cheek and went on her merry way. Maya never said a word to anyone.

The girl couldn't let history repeat itself. No, Maya needed to have a backup plan. Genius, heir to the Farkle Enterprises fortune and the nerdiest friend she had, Farkle Minkus was usually pretty easy to find. If he wasn't at school at one of the many clubs he founded - _Future Scientists of America, Fanimes (hybrid of the words 'anime' and 'fan'), Follies Acapella_ \- he resided in the humongous edifice that he called home. The size of his bedroom was comparable to Maya's entire apartment. No wonder he spent most of his time walled up in there, the Minkus mansion had anything anyone could ever want or need. Except love, maybe. Who cares, though, the boy had a train!

Maya shown her state and school ID for permission to get inside the building and the doorman buzzed the lonely boy upstairs to let him know she was coming to see him. Farkle had all AP and college prep courses, so they didn't have much time to spend together like in middle school. Frankly, most of the time their common denominator nowadays was Riley. She didn't think he'd mind if she asked him for a teensy little favor. If so, she could always blackmail him.

Farkle's room was at the very end of the hall. She heard The White Stripes coming from his room so loudly, it sounded like they were playing a concert. Before she could knock, he opened the door.

"How'd you know I was outside?"

"I've calculated the it would take for you to travel from the lobby to here, factoring in all variables. I see you didn't stop to get something to eat in our kitchen. Our chef should be making dinner right now."

"He was making _voulez-something-with-fish_." Maya recoiled with her tongue out and followed Farkle into his loft. With a remote he turned the music down and sat on his bed. He was still in the school uniform: a bright red blazer with the Adams High School insignia and the matching tie, white shirt and khakis. His socks, however, were of the universe's planets.

"What can I help you with, Maya?" He offered, turning his attention to his computer.

"I need you to hack into my records to get a copy of my birth certificate and social security number."

Farkle quirked an eyebrow, "I thought you were leaving it to your mom to do that."

"I am," Maya said, sitting on the edge of his bed. "But, I just need insurance, you know? Just in case she's still Katy Clutterbucket."

Farkle sighed, "Maya, I think you should just wait and see what your mom does. She could surprise you."

"Farkle, I think you should tell Riley that you love her already, so you can have sex with her in real life and don't have to spend your trust fund watching cheerleader porn on BangBros."

Farkle narrowed his eyes at the girl's smirk. _Touche._ "Let me see the packet again." The blonde shuffled through her bag, past her drawings and doodles to hand him the application. In excitement and because of Riley's big mouth, Maya passed it around to show her family of friends at lunch. Farkle read through the back-half with his glasses and tapped a specific sentence with his finger. "Yep, I knew it." He declared.

"What?"

"They need an original copy."

Maya dismissed, "So? You have a color printer, right? You're rich!"

Farkle scoffed with a laugh, "They're still printed on government, banknote paper. Paper that I don't have."

"You could get it, right? I mean, you _are_ rich."

"Maya, it won't work." Farkle's tone was final.

"What won't work?" In came Lucas, with a plate of wild salmon and a bib tucked in his school shirt. "Hey, Maya."

"Hey, Huckleberry." She shifted, pulling the pleats of her tan skirt down. "The hell are you doing here?"

"I wanted to look over Farkle's notes from Calculus." Lucas sat by her. "And their chef is cooking French tonight." He asked, eating the sliver of fish with his hands.

"I thought you spent all your free time in extra-curricular activities now."

"I like to have time to spend with my friends, too."

"Hm, including Missy?"

Lucas rolled his green eyes with a smile, "You know, I think you and Missy would get along great if you just dropped this petty, middle school crap. Even her and Riley get along now! She's not so bad. Sometimes."

"Yeah, I'm sure I'd like her too, if she was sucking _my_ dick."

"Actually, she's not great at that." Lucas replied, without thinking.

"Really?" Farkle and Maya said together, amused. The athlete just shrugged and finished his dinner.

* * *

Lucas and Maya left Farkle's castle together and took the train back to where the lessers lived downtown. She had the application out again. She brought it out after passing 30th street and started to fill it out. She didn't know why she hasn't already. Maybe it would be too real. No longer stalling, Maya put the pen in her hand and starting to answer the paper's questions. She filled out her name, address and phone number without a problem. Then, it asked for her parents' information.

Maya could write down most of Katy's information without struggle, though she did have to sift through her phone to find her work numbers. Next, the application asked for her father's information. She paused and let the tip of the pen rest on the line for his name. Every now and again, she would become pensive about where he was, if he had a new family, if he was happy. Did he ever think about her? Suddenly, Maya felt Lucas' breathing hard and leaning over her shoulder.

Seeing that she was stuck on answering the father portion, Lucas did an imitation of Darth Vader, "Maya... Maya, I am your father."

Slowly, she looked up at Lucas with the utmost agitation, "You're such a fucking loser, Ranger Rick." Lucas chuckled and sat back. When his smile faded away, Maya took the earnest moment to ask him, "Lucas, what kind of person do you think you'd be if you didn't have your father around?"

Clearly not expecting the deep question, the boy raised his eyebrows and carded a hand through his hair "OK, just fuck me up."

"Could you not be a Captain Cact-ass for one moment and answer the question?"

" _Well, I declare, fuck me right up ya'll_!" Lucas put on his best and deepest southern drawl to up the ante. After losing Pappy Joe, Lucas let his true personality fly a little higher, so if she wanted Captain Cact-ass, well...

Her face lit up before spilling over into laughter, "You are so annoying! I'm serious, Ha-hurr!" She slapped his shoulder in an effort to make him stop laughing with her.

Getting his breath, Lucas said, "I know, I know and I don't know, Maya. I think maybe, I might be a little less concerned with my "image" and what other people think. My idea about what a man is and should be definitely would be something different. But at the same time, I'd always wonder about him too. Why'd he leave and things like that, be sad about it. Like you." Maya stared down at her hands. "If I had no dad or father figure around, life no doubt would've been harder for me. But I kind of have faith that I'd still be a pretty good person. Stronger and more down-to-earth. Again, like you."

A small smile cracked in the corner of her lips as she whispered, "Thanks."

"Where are you right now?"

Maya shook her head. "I just have a bad feeling. I know my mom, I know my life. What if this doesn't happen for me?"

"Then, something else will." Lucas insisted.

"But, how do you know that?" Maya asked, impatient.

"Because, you're talented! There is not one artsy thing that you don't do well, Maya. You can dance and draw and sing... You're the whole package." Lucas turned to Maya, wanting to choose his words very carefully. "Look, I know that your mom is a bit - a bit of a mess, from what you've told me and everyone else but she's still your mom. I'm sure she cares about you, even when she screws up and forgets things. She loves you, Maya. Try and remember that."

Maya bit her lower lip and thought out loud, "You know, I don't think I can remember the last time she said she loved me."

"She does, Maya." He assured, with his hand on her knee.

"She does?"

"... She stuck around, right?" He shrugged.

The subway car halted and the boy realized he needed to get off. Quickly, he squeezed Maya's hand and released. Maya could've sworn they had at least two more stops together. "Wait, do you get off here?"

"I'm going to see Missy, help her with ' _homework_ ', " he answered, over his shoulder. "I'll text you. See you, Shortstack." He threw a grin towards Maya.

Maya waved goodbye to Lucas and watched him jog up the stairs. Riding the train alone, she pulled out her phone. Right now, she'd be finishing up her shift at Silver Sun. When they communicated, it'd usually just be to pass information along to the other. Katy rarely checked in on her but also, Maya didn't check in either. Never once has she tried to see if her mother was all right after working until almost 3 in the morning or wait up to see if she was going to coming back at all. Although, Maya wasn't an adult, she wasn't a kid anymore. Subconsciously, she knew relationships - good ones - need efforts from both people in order to work.

Holding her in breath, she texted Katy.

_please remember to get my social security card and birth certificate._

_love you._

* * *

It was Friday. The permission slip was due on Saturday morning and Maya still didn't have it ready. She texted her mother everyday to remind her, as she couldn't speak to her often because of her crazy schedule. It was the last day. Maya was spiraling, to say the least.

When John Adams Middle School and Abigail Adams High School combined to make The Adams School, it was important to the administration to have one garden quad for all students - no matter social standing, class or age - to meet, connect and just talk in the grass.

But it was too open and if kids were to be, say, smoking out there, they would get caught for sure. Therefore, Riley, Maya, Lucas, Farkle and Zay had to hide on the open rooftop, near the in-house farm that the sixth graders were planting. The gang looked on as Maya unraveled, pacing and bouncing and twirling.

"It's Friday." She sounded manic. "It's Friday and still no social security card, still no birth certificate. It's like I have no identity! I don't even know who I am anymore! Who am I?!" She grabbed Farkle by the tie and yanked him into her.

"You're freaking out, is what you are." Zay interjected and calmly released her grip.

"Yeah, Maya. Relax. If your mom said she'd do it, then she's going to do it." Lucas said. "The more pressure you put on the situation, the crazier you're going to get."

"I agree," Riley added. "Peaches, you're going to ballet camp. It's as good as done! You should be celebrating!"

"Oh, yeah? Riles, if it's done than why can't I stop shaking?" Maya jumped around like she was about to transform.

"OK, I think some herbal refreshment is in order, right about now." Zay went into his back pocket to fish out a quarter-sized bag of weed. "Anyone got paper?"

"I do." Farkle answered, going into his messenger bag.

"Hey, did you guys know that in the UK they call them skins?" Riley quipped.

"I did not know that, Riley." Zay pretended to be enthused, making the blunt.

"I didn't know that." Farkle lied but sounded sincere. Riley smiled at him and he blushed.

"Luke?" Lucas threw Zay his lighter and sparked up the joint to give to Maya. Yet, she was still quaking pretty bad, so instead of handing it to her, Zay put the joint in front of her lips slightly. "OK, now inhale, exhale." Her lips felt so nice around the joint and even better when she took in its magic. Her nerves dissolved into the smoke that blew threw her nostrils. "Good girl."

"Guys... " Maya didn't finish her thought because they all could read her mind by now.

"Maya, look, it's basic science that the more you observe something, the better chance you change it's outcome." She passed the joint to Farkle for his advice and he took a drag. "I think you need to just trust your mom."

He passed to Riley, "Right, I mean even if she missed your career day and accidentally stepped on your guitar and lost your locket that was supposed to be a gift that one time - "

"Riley, I think that's enough." Lucas told her.

Realizing that she made her best friend feel even worse, Riley didn't even take a hit and gave it to Lucas. "I don't deserve pot. I didn't say anything good." She grudged, matter-of-factly.

"Guys, we got to get to class." Farkle announced, looking into the face of his watch.

When most of the gang began to go downstairs, Lucas took a breath from the joint, then turned his attention to Maya. Drawling, "It's like Pappy Joe said: Don't count your horses before they're born."

Maya knotted her eyebrows at him before snorting a laugh. "Really, Huckleberry? When I'm in need, you say the most Huckleberriest of things?"

"It made you laugh." He retorted, simply. Maya rolled her eyes and tried to stop her cheeks from reddening. "Now, c'mon. We'll be late."

* * *

The couch was an old source of comfort. It was inherited from Gammy Hart, who now lived in a old folks' home in Florida, a.k.a retiree's paradise. When she was little, the Hart matriarch would let her granddaughter lay her head down on her lap. Her intelligent hands would stroke her hair, humming a Motown diddy. Gammy Hart wouldn't remember now, as her dementia was pretty advanced. They didn't expect to have her much longer but this mustard brown sofa would stay forever as a cherished piece of Clutterbucket-Hart memorabilia.

Gammy probably wouldn't approve of Maya having a cigarette on it, but then again, she wouldn't approve of a lot of things that were going on recently.

The jitters in the teen's leg were running through her veins and nicotine just wasn't cutting it. She snuffed out the flame of her cigarette and took off the Doc Marten's she got for a bargain at Cheapo's Vintage. Her phone was dead because she kept checking to time on it, so no music. That was OK. In fact, she was probably better without it. Maya dropped on the carpet and massaged her ankles, to only stand back up and do her exercises. Some heel raises, balancing on her toes, flexing her calves. Pointe work was what she need the most work on, but it was too dangerous. A cardinal rule for ballet dancer was never to do pointe on carpet, which was Maya's entire house. Barre work would have to do.

Maya held her stance on the mantel of the useless fireplace. She was just doing basic positions, remembering not to go to seventh. Then, she began to do her stretching. The end of her foot effortlessly reached to a rising angle on the surface. Maya folded into herself, letting both hands climb to her higher ankle, then making one hand reach behind her. In control, she breathed into her stretch. Closing her eyes, Maya dared to imagine the cabin she'd stay in over the summer and fresh, woodsy breeze. Dancing with the branches in the wind. She wasn't sure if she'd get along with the other campers but it didn't matter because she was there. She was good enough.

The sound of the locks clicking made Maya break from her form. Katy came in, tiredly hanging her coat up and wiping the sweat from her brow. Her keys jingled then dropped on the coffee table, with their pom-pom key chain. So drenched in fatigue, Katy almost didn't see her daughter looking at her with anticipation and fret. Maya was usually in her room, or somewhere, when she got in. It was too late for Maya to be just getting out of school, but she was still in her Adams attire.

"Hey, Babygirl." Katy greeted her with an uneasiness. "I usually don't see you when I'm going through my dress change. What a nice surprise."

Skipping pleasantries, Maya asked, "Do you have my birth certificate, mom?"

"... What? Why would I have that?" In the deep recesses of her mind, the last time she saw Maya's records was probably in their storage unit.

It was nothing short of tragic how hard and fast Maya's heart sunk.

Warily, Maya took a delicate step towards her mother, "Mom. Last weekend, I asked you to get my birth certificate and social security card for a prestigious summer ballet camp. They were all I needed to get in. You said to me, 'If it's important to you, it's important to me.' I texted you, everyday, about it this week. Tell me, please, that you have them."

Lost for words, Katy barely responded, "Maya, Honey, I... "

Maya turned her back so she could crumple privately. She bowed down, holding her face repeating, "I knew it, I knew it, I knew it..."

"OK, Babygirl, don't worry! Mama's gonna go out right now and - "

Maya twisted around to fire her words like a cannon, "It's too late for that, Katy! It's almost 9'o'clock! Nobody's fucking open! I needed it for tomorrow morning!" She licked the tears on her lips. "Everyone said that I just needed to trust you and I was being too hard on you. But they don't know you and how you are. Not like I do."

Sometimes, Maya would make smart remarks to insult Katy and the mother would let it slide because she knew she wasn't around like she should have been, but the way the teen was speaking to her right now was just too much to bare.

"How I am?" She repeated then firmly, Katy replied, "Maya, I am sorry that I forgot about this, I really am Babygirl but maybe, you can consider that things slip my mind when I'm working 18 hour days to keep a roof over our heads."

Maya continued to be unsympathetic, seething, "A roof that leaks? A shower that doesn't work? And none of it is ever a big deal! You treat everything shitty that happens to us like some big plot-line in our already fucked up lives! 'Oh, look Maya, we have that skyline we always wanted!' We don't live in the penthouse, Katy! We live in the Arianda projects! I can't see the sky when I look up, I just see the darkness of the rotting apartment above our heads.'We'll be so natural and organic, without the shower! It'll be like a spa!' I haven't bathed properly in two weeks. Two. Weeks. And, newsflash, spas have showers. Oh, God and my favorite one: 'Your daddy loves you so much Babygirl, that he had to go away because he's sick and he doesn't want to hurt you. When he's better, he'll come back and you'll never miss him again.' It's been 13 years, Katy. He's not coming back. He left us. He left you. We weren't enough! I'm so goddamn sick of you forcing me to live in your warped reality!"

"Contrary to what you may believe, Maya, everything that I've ever done or said was to help you have a better life! Do you think I like this? Do you think I like living this way? I got pregnant with you at 16 and ever since then, I have always been about you and getting what you need. I know I'm not the perfect mother, but it's not an easy job, Babygirl. Not for anyone."

"Especially not for someone who couldn't close their legs as a teenager!"

Katy was used to hearing words like that in Oklahoma from people. That's why she left with Kermit when Maya was still learning to crawl. Never in her wildest nightmares did she think her own daughter could say something so cold-blooded. Something inside of her took over and convinced her to think that this couldn't be the girl that she raised. This had to be someone else, someone who didn't understand her or what she went through. Her daughter would never be so unkind, ungrateful. So, she handled it the same way she did back home: A clean smack across the face.

Suddenly, as the stranger held her face in a mix of shock, pain and emptiness, Katy saw Maya again. She looked in the same eyes that would cry as a child when she heard thunder and eyes that would twinkle when she sang her a lullaby. Instantly, the tears that she held in escape as she reached for her daughter, deeply sorry, "Oh, oh Maya, I'm sorry. Babygirl, I didn't mean - Maya, Maya, please!"

Maya's blonde hair covered her expression, she rushed to the door. She grabbed her coat and left, slamming the door behind her.

* * *

She didn't have shoes. Maya brought her coat but no shoes. Not even those damn ballet slippers. It was fine, though; it was a distraction. Sometimes, she'd be crying from hurt her feet were getting from the cold concrete and ice but eventually they became numb as her feelings. In her jacket was her transpass, her school ID and 43 cents. No doubt any one of her friends would take her in but she didn't want to see them. She was ashamed of being right. Maya didn't want any pity, hugs or pep talks right now. She just wanted to get fucked all the way up.

Maya sat on the subway, barefoot and broke, thinking of where she could go. There was that one bar that didn't card her but it was a slow night. On the weekends, the bars were mostly dead as most of the people came to watch football games or elections. She wanted to be somewhere full of life. Hearing a shrill laugh ringing, Maya turned to left and saw a gaggle of girls that were slightly older than her, maybe. It was definitely below 30 but they were all in formal party dresses and heels higher than her hopes. Their fully made up faces cackled about all the fun they were going to have that night. They started to leave the train, single-file. The stop was NYU. Maya decided to follow them.

Thankfully, she didn't have to walk too far. Stealthily, Maya tread behind them on a tree-lined street near campus. Looking at the alien like symbols, she figured out that she must be in the Greek community. A few people visibly judged her lack of footwear but Maya just kept her eyes on the girls. They ended up leading her to a house filled with people and flashing lights. With wonder, Maya went inside. As small as the girl was, there was barely enough room for her it was so crowded. She shoved her way through, not going anywhere in particular. Then, Maya felt a sneaker step on her foot. As she writhed from the hurt, she unexpectedly bumped into a table near the wall. She might as well have bumped into Heaven. Grey Goose, Jose Cuervo, Hennessy. All types of liquor, all top shelf.

Maya was overwhelmed with all of her choices of poison that she couldn't choose. So, if there was a cup that was abandoned and full, she claimed it. Red cup, after red cup, Maya became a disposal for all alcohol, no matter where it came from. A passerby saw her intake accelerating and suggested that she slow down, tiny thing that she was. Maya answered him with her steely blue eyes never breaking away as she stole his cup from him to drink. Her fingers tossed it elsewhere and made her way to place where everyone seemed to be dancing.

The music was amazing. It was so booming, it felt like it was filling up her whole body. It reminded her of the playlist she would hear at Zay's family cookouts; some reggaeton, some trap, some old-school hip-hop, some contemporary. Her jacket slid off her shoulders and Maya felt like she was transitioning through states of matter. Solid to liquid to gas. Her body no longer existed in reality, only through the music. When guys she didn't know put their hands and lips on her, she didn't care because she didn't own her physical form anymore. Maya was not one person, in one form, in one place. She became everything, all at once.

* * *

Midterms obviously had everyone feeling real messed up because thus far, this had been the craziest college party Josh had been to. First week back's always wild and then there's Sprung Break but... This was nuts. Everyone was wasted or high or both (himself included but just a little). Students had lost their clothes and dignity all in the name of cracking under pressure. The friend he came with, Andrew, was down to his boxers and tube socks, licking what could be cocaine off a girls body. But maybe he was just seeing things. It was when his brown eyes locked on a girl that looked like Maya, he for sure thought he was just incredibly fucked up.

She had on this uniform skirt that was a least a whole foot about the knee and had tied her white button down under her chest in a neat knot. She literally stepped out of his retro Britney Spears wet dreams. _Hit Baby One More Time, indeed._ There was a guy behind her, with his hands sneaking up the skirt to touch the milky whiteness of her thighs but then, she leaned into him and started to strut in Josh's direction. Maya's doppelganger went for another drink she didn't need, while Josh held up the wall. Trying to be discreet, he looked underneath his eyelashes at the girl. His investigation went AWOL, when she came him staring.

Josh acted like his lack of Whiskey was crazy interesting, until the girl came up to him, wailing, "Josh!"

Right before she dove in for a hug, he noticed the voice. Only one girl he knew had that deep and kind of sexy voice, "Maya?" She was glued to his torso and he had to detach her. "What are you doing here? Is Riley with you?"

"No, no. Riley doesn't know I'm here. She's got a good head on her shoulders." Maya replied, while Josh was taking the rest of his drink to the throat. "Unlike me. People say that I just give good head." That statement made Josh cough almost violently as Maya giggled.

"Maya, you look like you had a lot to drink."

" _You_ look like you had a lot to drink." Suddenly, the girl gasped. "You should dance with me!" Maya arched her ass into his crotch and wiggled, warming it up.

"No, I should be taking you home." Josh strained.

"Well, I'm not going home."

"Well, you're leaving, one way or another." He challenged. "You shouldn't be here."

Maya pouted, looking like she was going to throw a tantrum. "Fine!" She yelled and ran away from Josh, through the sea of people. He threw his cup on the floor to go after her. He had no obligation to; she was almost 18 and could make her own decisions. But he did anyway. That's what made him so nice. That's why she liked him.

Running through the street, Josh caught that Maya wasn't wearing shoes. Something really bad must've happened tonight. Inhaling the crisp air, he quickened the pace of his feet to catch up. Before he knew it, Maya was heading in the direction of the campus gym. Students need an ID to use it after hours but Maya hopped the scanner. The guard was about to chase after her too, but Josh scrambled to show his ID and say she was his guest. By the time he got to the hall of independent work out rooms, he saw a trail of clothes guide the way.

_She didn't._

He stepped to the first article of clothing and saw that white dress shirt that said Adams School. Josh picked it up, next the neck-tie, the skirt, a b-cup black bra. He collected every piece she left behind, taking him to the pool. The green of the water left a very eerie glow. Cautious, Josh crept into the pool room.

"Maya?" His voice echoed. "Maya, this isn't funny!"

Walking around the pool, he saw her underwear near the edge. At the deep end, Josh hovered over wall of water and thought he saw a girl underneath.

"Maya," He said to himself, quickly taking his sweater off and his shoes. Ripping off his pants, he dove in after her. Josh swam 12 feet to reach her. Maya's bruised toes were walking on the pool's floor with her arms about her head. It almost looked as if she was trying to dance. Josh grabbed Maya by the hand and dragged her up to air. When they broke through together, fighting for breath, Maya looked almost blue. Still, she was laughing. Josh however, was far from entertained.

He held her body flush against him, not even caring that she was naked. Furious, he almost shook her in his arms, "Maya, what's wrong with you?! Are you fucking crazy?"

Maya laced her arms around his neck and planted a kiss on him for an answer. Josh didn't know what he wanted to do; punish her, for being so reckless or please her, because it was clear that something was really wrong. Maybe a bit of both. Pulling back for a second, he stared at her plump, cracked lips and connected their mouths once again, for kiss so deep, if she didn't feel like she was drowning before, she would know what it's like now. They floated in the water and he interspersed bruising kisses with thoughtful pecks on her cheeks and temples.

Josh had Maya's back against the wall of the pool. Holding her up, his palms kneaded her sensitive breasts. She was grinding her hips into him, getting high on the friction of them finally together. Finally closer. Finally. The college student was trying to hold in a groan when she stopped to pull down his boxers. Josh snatched her hands and put them behind her back. They looked into the windows of each other's mind, thoughts racing.

"Are you sure you want this?" Josh struggled to ask in a husky voice. Maya, feeling electrocuted by their skin sharing electricity in the water, nodded with fervor. His strong hand held the side of her face, initiating another passionate kiss. Her tongue moved in uncertain but Josh dominated, positioning his fingers on her neck so he gained the amount of access he needed. Underwater, her hand slid down his abs in into his boxers, feeling the weight of him in her palm. He hummed and shivered as his muscles tightened, taking her hand from his erection. Josh put her hands on his neck and grabbed her thighs. Slow and steady, he rolled into her center. Maya let out a moan, finding his rhythm easily and moving with him. A feeling of need boiled in the pit of her stomach as he began to quicken his pace. Heat was building up inside of her by degrees and all she need was that it felt _amazing_. She straddled herself into his lap and ground into him. Josh went berserk by the sensation and placed his hands on her rear, guiding her to move faster.

Maya placed her face in the crook of his neck, trying to conceal her high-pitched noises. Josh took that as her trying to articulate that she was close and he nodded, understanding her blight. She threw her wet hair hair back. She was on the edge of something and she didn't know what it was, but she wouldn't stop it for the world. Suddenly, her eyes shut and let herself make a squeak, pressing her forehead against Josh's. The last thing she heard was that he made a deep, feral groan from the pit of his stomach. Their breathing was jagged and uneven but in-sync.

Then, Maya blacked out.

* * *

Feeling the light sneak through the curtain, Maya's eyelids gradually opened. Her body felt different. Sore. Used up. Drained. Trying to sit up was very difficult, as with any sudden movement some type of invisible hammer beat against her skull. This hangover was certainly unforgiving, but when she turned and saw Josh snoring lightly next to her, things didn't feel so bad anymore.

Maya took in her surroundings, seeing NYU flags and pictures of Josh with his family and friends. There was an opposite bed next to them, but no one was in it. Maya shifted her dry legs onto the floor and it felt like she was the Little Mermaid walking on land for the first time. Horns honked, the city was waking up. Her body made it to the window and she slid the glass door open. It was cold so high up. She watched the golden sun touch the old campus buildings like Midas. She wanted to greet it and thank it for being consistently beautiful when nothing else was. Gracefully, Maya rose in imitation en pointe with the ball of fire. As her arms went above her head with a controlled slowness, tears formed in her eyes. She couldn't place why. Maybe because of her dashed ballerina dreams. Maybe because she became a woman with the man she's been longing for and she could only remember half of it. Maybe because of her mom. Or, maybe because she missed the sun's warmth that much.

Maybe none of those things. Probably all of them.


	2. Riley

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hi! So in the reviews, it looks like a lot of you have never seen Skins but you've heard of it. If you have Netflix, they have all the seasons there! Check it out! It's good! But, in comparison to the show, this story will be a bit slower-paced, I think and parents have a much bigger role.
> 
> Trigger Warning: Suicidal thoughts, Bulimia mention.

"5, 6, 7, 8!"

It was almost eight o' clock in the morning and Riley was practicing the new routine. She didn't have to meet with the other cheerleaders until nine. She's been up since three. She couldn't sleep more than four hours a night if she tried. Besides, Riley gets a lot done with those hours that everyone throws away. She does projects, exercise, adds to her scrapbooks and mood boards, studies. But most of all, Riley loves to party. Being in the athlete circle at school, Riley was introduced to the high-life. Drinking all night, taking pills that made anyone feel like flying. Dancing in the darkness, Riley felt like she'd never die. She wanted that magic to last forever, so she did it as often as she could. When she couldn't be on drugs, she had to be productive. It was the only way to make all her thoughts stop.

Early Saturday, Riley was focused on keeping herself in time with the music until there was a loud bang against her window. Excited, she let out a yelp and looked over to see a ragged blonde bird pressing her face on the glass.

Riley opened the window and slightly shivered from the cold, "Peaches?!" Maya was never naturally an early riser. She didn't even send out her morning texts yet. She almost tumbled inside of Riley's room, wearing a man's shoes that were almost four sizes too big. "What happened?"

"Had a night. Need sleep." Maya's voice was scratchy and she was disrobing her school uniform without permission.

"Well, don't you have dance class?"

"No. I don't." She stepped out of the sneakers.

Riley's face turned downwards, "Your mom didn't - " Maya cut her off with a hand, shaking her head. "Oh, peaches..."

"Riley, I don't need to talk. I don't need a hug. I just need sleep." In her bra and underwear, Maya crawled to the start of the queen, purple bed and burrowed herself in the covers. Riley saw the bruised condition of her feet. Skin was peeling off and blue veins showed themselves. She wanted to take Maya to the hospital, to make sure that she didn't have any diseases or ailments you can contract by foot. She loved her but she didn't want someone with a fungus in her bed but Maya fell asleep as soon as she hit the pillow.

* * *

Poor Maya. She can't catch a break. She was supposed to go to that camp in Poughkeepsie, she deserved it! Ugh, her mom. Maya was right: Katy's a screw-up. It's unbelievable that someone like Maya can be raised by someone like her. But not really. That's why she has so many problems.

"Baby Matthews!"

Let's face it; Maya's a mess. She skips classes and smokes like a pack of cigarettes a day. She's deluded herself into thinking Josh could want her. Why would he go out with Maya when he's surrounded by mature college girls who actually have their lives together? It's absurd.

"Baby Matthews!"

If things continue the way they're going, she's going to be on the streets and pregnant before she's 18. No way that can happen. She needs a good influence. She needs to be away from her tragic home life and surrounded by people that actually care. People that can show her the way to being the truly amazing person that she is. That's it. She's moving out.

 _"Matthews! Wake the fuck up!"_ The team captain screeched but it was too late. Riley held her arms out two seconds too late and their fellow cheerleader had caught the mat with her face. The flyer laid motionless and Riley's hands covered her mouth in shock. The girls flocked over and Missy glared at her for making a mistake.

"Missy, I-I'm sorry, I wasn't - "

"Thinking? Yeah, see that." The captain seethed and ran her hands through her shiny brown hair. The rest of the team was carrying the wounded flyer to the bench as Missy pulled Riley to the side of the bleachers.

"Don't you think we should be over there, helping Taryn?" Riley looked over to the crowd worriedly. She heard someone say, 'I think it's broken!'

"What? Oh, she'll be fine." Missy dismissed with a careless wave. "Matthews, did Lucas say anything about me recently?"

"Um," Riley's attention flickered back and forth from Missy to the commotion on the benches.

Missy snapped her fingers in her face, "Matthews!"

"No! Lucas hasn't said anything about you! But that's not saying that he doesn't care; he just doesn't talk about your relationship because it's no one's business! I mean, I respect privacy and it's not my concern to get involved - " Riley rambled until Missy made her talk to the hand.

"Ugh, shut up. Why Friar dated you, I'll never know." She rolled her eyes, then pointed to another cheerleader. "Jessa!" The girl was a deer in the headlights, as Missy stormed to her. "You are not sneaking your miserable butt off to the bathroom to puke! The only thing that I hate more than fat people are lazy ones! Get your ass back to your spot! Array!"

After apologizing profusely to Taryn, Riley was off to the Arianda projects where Maya lived. They had been friends since they were six years old, but she had only been to her house a handful of times. If her cheerleader uniform wasn't a dead giveaway that she wasn't a resident, the way she kept a watchful eye of everyone she passed was a clue. Don't get it wrong, Riley loved people, no matter where they were from. Still, just in case handled her mace spray in her coat with care.

She walked to the intercom of the building, buzzing a random number and lying, saying she forgot her key. Without pause, Riley was buzzed in. They really needed better security around this place. Riley jogged up the stairs, to the fourth floor. Crayola graffiti was on the rotting walls and toddlers only in diapers ran past her. Rap music played from some walls and Tejano sounds tried to drown them out. Riley knocked on the door, trying to be louder than them both.

The door opened and Katy sighed, disappointed when she saw it was Riley and not Maya. "Riley."

Nose in the air and arms behind her back, she invited herself in. Dramatically, she turned to Katy and announced, "I am only here to get Maya's things and then, I will escort myself out."

Feeling a lump get stuck in her throat, Katy looked away and nodded, "Oh. OK. Well, you know where her room is."

Entering Maya's bedroom, Riley gazed around. Ginger nipped at her feet only for Riley to say, "You can't come. But you..." She walked over to the dresser, opening it to see a whole bunch of denim, leather and vintage band tees. "She's gonna need you." Riley found two boxes and folded her clothes as tightly and neatly as possible. When she was done, Riley could almost fit her entire wardrobe inside them, but then again, Maya didn't have much. The boxes weren't heavy and also not transparent. She held them in front of her face and tried to memorize her steps. After stubbing her toe, Riley held the boxed under her chin and saw Katy holding her head on the couch.

Sensing a presence there, Katy picked her head up and saw Riley. She stood up and wiped some tears off her face. "Oh, you got everything?" She sniffed and made a weak smile.

Riley just pursed her lips and picked her nose back up, "Hmph!" Riley was almost to the door before Katy called her name.

"Riley!" The girl stopped but didn't look back. "I-I know how you must see me, feel about me. You must hate me. I get it, I hate me too but please know that... I love that little girl. I love Maya."

Outraged, Riley spun around to look Katy in her sorrowful eyes. There were a lot of things that Riley thought about saying to Katy but this seemed to encapsulate them all, "No. _I_ love her." Riley slammed the door behind her.

* * *

Arriving home, Riley walked into her parents on the couch watching The Price is Right. As she opened the door, they didn't leave their vegetative state. On the weekends, Mr. and Mrs. Matthews were more oblivious than usual because it was their time off but, that didn't make much of a difference to Riley. She never thought they paid any mind to her any day of the week.

"Hi!" She chirped, struggling through the door with Maya's things.

"Hey, sweetheart." Cory greeted with a mouthful of popcorn.

"Whoo, boy! I had a really tiring practice today. Man! These boxes sure are heavy." Riley over-acted to get a reaction.

"Then, put them down, honey." Topanga added, fisting popcorn into her face. How typical it didn't payoff.

Riley took the advice, blowing strands of her hair out of her face in frustration. She stood with her hands on her hips, "Don't you even want to know what's in the boxes? Maya's things? She's living with us now?"

"What? Maya?" Topanga finally looked at her daughter. Riley scoffed and rolled her eyes. How especially typical that her parents suddenly start giving their attention when Maya's involved.

"What's wrong with Maya?" Cory asked, concerned.

Riley picked the boxes back up and headed off to her room. "Her mom didn't get the papers and now she won't be going to ballet camp. They had a falling out and she's been in my room all morning."

"How long is she staying?" Topanga stood and wiped her hands on her sweatpants.

"Indefinitely."

"I should call Katy." Topanga rushed to their landline phone. Cory came to Riley, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"How's she doing?"

Riley tightened her lips, "She's doing as fine as she could be. I'm fine too, thanks for asking." His daughter's ponytail almost smacked him in the face as she bounced away. He sighed, feeling worried for both of his girls.

She wasn't 100% sure that Maya was still actually in her room so, it was a pleasant surprise to see her best friend, still tucked away in her bed. She wasn't sleeping anymore but texting someone vigorously, with a toothy grin. When she noticed that Riley came into the room, Maya quickly slid her phone under the pillow and sat up in bed.

"Hey, peaches!" Riley greeted warmly.

"Hey, Riles."

"Oh, you're still not in clothes. Let's put you in some!" She knocked off the top of the cardboard box and grabbed an over-sized Metallica t-shirt, " _Your_ clothes!"

Naked Maya stepped towards her and put the old shirt over her head. Then, she rummaged in the box. "This is all my stuff."

"Uh-huh."

"You went to my house?" Maya stated, pulling her hair from the collar.

"Yeah-huh." Riley stared at her manicured nails, pretty pleased with herself.

"Well, my mom must've been there. Did she say anything? Is she OK?" Riley frowned.

"Maya, I don't think you live over there with your mom. You should stay here." She kindly suggested for her best friend to squint her eyes.

"For how long?"

"Permanently."

"Permanently? Riles, I can't stay here forever. I have to go home some time."

She swore that Maya would see that being with Katy wasn't in her best interest right now and that she'd be thrilled that Riley went did the hard part for her. No matter, she'd get her to understand. Riley put her hands on Maya's shoulders and carefully spoke. "Maya... She did something absolutely deplorable to you. It's like you said, she's not a mom! She only thinks about herself. You don't need to be in that toxic, terrible place, OK? You should be somewhere that people care about you and want you to succeed! Somewhere where you feel safe and loved. My parents love you so much, it's almost like you're more their daughter than I am! Auggie's like your little brother and... I am your sister. This is your home because you're happy here. We're your home."

Maya's crystal blue eyes welled with tears and it was so rare, that Riley's did the same. Maya held her breath until Riley pulled her into an embrace, allowing her to fall apart. She sobbed into her best friend and hugged her like she would never let go.

"I love you, Riley." She cried.

"I love you too, Maya."

* * *

Of course, the Matthews' welcomed Maya with open arms. Knowing that she was in the best care and guessing that Maya needed her space, Katy allowed it. Maya and Riley shared the same bed with the compromise that Maya sleeps in at least a t-shirt and Maya has clearance to pinch Riley awake if she's snoring too loudly. When Riley did sleep, it was as hard as a log. When she didn't, Maya had to deal with her random, energetic two-person parties where Riley would get shot glasses and make up nonsensical drinking games or her doing her cheerleader routine in the corner with headphones on. But she loved her and Riley loved that she gained an ally at home. Someone that would always pay attention to her and never deem her too silly or dramatic. Someone that would always be on her side. She could overlook the special treatment her parents gave her or that she lost interest in anything having to do with her future. Maya was happy now and that made Riley ecstatic.

Too bad not everyone could feel this way.

"So, you're not dancing anymore? That's it?" Lucas questioned Maya. School just let out and Maya, Lucas, Riley, Farkle and Zay were all walking home together.

"That's it, Dingleberry." She groaned, sending someone a message on her phone again. She's been pretty occupied with it lately.

"You're just never gonna dance again?" Lucas continued to push her. Wanting to be sensitive about the ballet disaster, Lucas put off on talking about dancing - or anything - for a couple weeks but he couldn't take watching her slip further away from what she cared about. It distressed him.

Maya huffed, then turned to face him, "Guilty feet, Ranger Rick. Have got no rhythm." As he rolled his green eyes, she broke out into song, "Though it's easy to pretend, I know you're not a fool."

Zay joined in, "I should've known better than to cheat a friend and waste a chance that I been given."

"So, I'm never gonna dance again - "

Maya, Zay and Farkle sang together, " _The way I danced with you-ooh._ " They replaced the signature saxophone melody with their "doo-doo-doo's" and walked ahead, leaving Riley and Lucas to walk side by side. Riley giggled, shaking her head at her friends.

Lucas carded a hand through his hair and gestured to the singing trio, "What are we gonna do about that? Her?"

"Don't worry, she'll be fine. I already did something." Riley assured him.

"What?" He asked, curious.

"She's living with me now."

Lucas knotted his eyebrows and pursed his thin lips, "Really? I didn't know things were that bad with her mom. For how long?"

"Forever, probably." Riley shrugged.

"Forever? Riley, she has to go back home eventually."

"She _is_ home." Riley groaned and smiled, trying to hide her irritation.

"No, home is with her mother. Riley, you shouldn't be keeping them apart. This is between them." He challenged.

"Lucas!" Riley stopped short on the sidewalk to look him in the eye and scold him, "I know what's good for my best friend. I know that you care about her but you don't know her history like I do. For years, Katy neglected Maya, like she didn't have a child at all. Well, now I'm just giving her what she wanted."

"Riley, you can't know that - "

"Yes I do! I know what's best! And I'd appreciate it if you didn't question me about it anymore." Turning forward, she saw Maya sharing a cigarette with Farkle and Zay. Standing in the stairwell to the train, she laughed and glowed. She hasn't looked like that in a long time. It made her feel like she was doing the right thing and Mr. Moral Compass couldn't take that away from her. Confidently, she declared, "She is happy right now. OK, she lost interest in the things she normally likes to do - "

"Then, how can she be happy?" Lucas pointed.

Riley sighed, strong, "Because she's with me."

Lucas exhaled through his nostrils and shook his head. He held himself back, not wanting to make a scene in front of their friends. Somehow, even though they haven't dated in years, it still felt like she was arguing with a boyfriend.

Letting it go, he shrugged, "Fine, fine."

"Fine." They started to walk again.

Changing the subject, Lucas said, "Going to Darby's St. Paddy's party?"

"Of course I am! Zay's going to be the DJ, it should be a lot of fun!" She smiled giddily.

"Good." He sighed, relieved.

"For why is it good?"

"Because this is going to be a jock party."

"... And you're a jock."

"Yeah, but hanging around them can get real old, real fast. Plus, I know I can always talk to you and we haven't hung out in a while."

Her cheeks felt a bit warm. "And what about Missy?"

"What about her?"

"You guys don't talk at all?"

"Nah, her mouth is usually full." Lucas' lips grew into a smirk slowly, waiting for Riley to react.

She snorted and blushed, "Oh my God. Lucas, you're disgusting."

He laughed and put his arm around her, strolling to the 6 train. His touch still had the ability to make Riley weak in the knees. Riley and Lucas were so much alike. They both cared about their friends and would do anything to protect them. They both were involved in school sports and clubs, were star students and some of the most popular people in their grade. It was times like these that made Riley wonder why they didn't work out. They dated for such a short time. When they broke up, it was two weeks after Pappy Joe died of a heart attack. Lucas was grieving and Riley did all she could to show how she'd always be there for him: baking him cookies, showing up unannounced and helping his family with things around the house, constantly telling him that he could open up to her. And somehow, Lucas was convinced that they weren't meant to be. Riley was OK with just being his friend but the possibility of being more again still hung in the back of her mind.

* * *

Darby Walker was a popular cheerleader who had all the parties because her parents were divorced and they wanted to compete for her love. So, each time she wanted to throw a rager, they both said 'How big?' and Darby's affection went to the highest bidder. The winner this time around was her mother, who allowed access to her insanely expensive liquor (as long as everyone drank inside) and for green party glitter to explode from cannons.

The night of the party, instead of pre-gaming with Maya or one of her many acquaintances, Riley was with Farkle. SAT's were coming up and it was her first time taking them, so Farkle offered to help. It was Farkle's third. He gotten exemplary scores but not a perfect one yet. They were in his room, at his work table. Thick prep books open in front of them and bowls of popcorn. Farkle created stacks of flashcards with his favorite questions on them and needed more material, so he was going along, page by page, picking ones that stumped them.

"The _blank_ student came running down the hallway, once again late for class. A) Loquacious B) Delinquent C) Perfunctory D) Blase or E) Erudite?" Farkle read off. Riley tapped her chin with the end of her pencil, floating in her own world.

"Farkle, has Lucas said anything about me lately?"

"Yeah, I was thinking B, too. Wait, what?" Farkle did a double-take.

"Has Lucas said anything about me to you?"

"Said anything like... what?" His voice was cautious.

Riley rocked back and forth in her seat, "Mm, I don't know. Maybe... that he might want to get back together?"

Farkle shifted back in his chair, looking a bit miffed all of a sudden. "No, no he hasn't. Why? Do you want to get back with him?"

"Well, I don't know." Riley got giggly and bashful. "I mean, we _did_ date."

"Freshman year. For two months." Farkle reminded her in a unmerciful tone.

"We only really broke up because Pappy Joe died and he thought he wanted to be alone for a while." Riley theorized.

"And now he's not alone. Now, he's with Missy Bradford."

"He is not 'with' Missy Bradford." She rolled her eyes, making air quotes.

"OK, he's _fucking_ Missy Bradford. Still, if he wanted to get back together Riley, I think he would have done something about it by now." Farkle concluded harshly.

"There has to be a reason why I'm the only real girlfriend he's had and he's the only real boyfriend I've had." Farkle and Riley stared at each other for a time before Riley broke away and started to pick at her nails. The truth is, guys love Riley. She was popular and bubbly and beautiful. Also, her being a teacher's daughter gave her this forbidden quality that was nothing if not alluring. Boys from all high school stations flirted and made moves on Riley that went over her head. Somehow, she didn't see it but Farkle did. He saw way too much.

Not wanting to talk about it anymore, Farkle went to choose the next question to ask but Riley found one first, "Farkle?"

He picked his head up, "Yes?"

"Do you think... Do you ever sometimes feel like you don't have the right to be sad?" She tilted her head, weighing the question in her own mind like she does all the time. "Like, I know you're depressed and you see a therapist but... Do you feel bad that you are? You have everything."

Making a heavy sigh, Farkle closed the book. "Well, honestly, there is a lot more to depression and anxiety than the type of life you lead. It's a chemical imbalance in the brain; that's what a lot of drug treatments are based on. There's also genetic vulnerability and other medical problems... But, I mean, I am a heterosexual, white man who is part of the 1%. I nor my children will ever have to worry about money in our lifetimes because I will inherit my father's corporation and I have an IQ of 146. Aside from a few bullies, I think the only true hardship I've had is my name. I'm an Us." He shrugged.

"I'm an Us." Riley repeated in a whisper.

He made a small smile and moved closer, "But, even with all the money, intelligence and the fact that I am now taller than Lucas," they both shared a laugh, before Farkle confessed, "there are still some things that... aren't within my reach." Looking into Riley's eyes, made him feel like he was falling down the milky way and he wanted to tell her but like always he held back.

Riley exhaled and she pretended to read Farkle's palm, "Yeah. I mean, I'm popular and kind of smart - "

"Riley, you're _very_ smart."

"But still, I feel like... I don't want to exist. Like, I'd be fine just not... breathing anymore, sometimes?" Her eyes glazing with tears and Farkle moved laced their fingers.

"Riley... "

"Like I'd be more at peace from it all if I just... " She let the end of her sentence hang then float around in the air of her head. It got bigger, then smaller. Then, it just repeated itself filling up every space. They were all screaming, then next to a hint. In synonyms, in all capital letters, it was becoming all she could think about. She had this... (fantasy?) dream her foot was was shackled to some invisible force in the depths of the ocean. Riley was in a beautiful gown that made her look like a flower blooming while underneath the water. Each time she moved, a wide, white pleat of her dress opened let a petal. Jerking and throwing herself to and throe, it felt like drowning but looked like dancing. When she stopped fighting, no one else was on her mind. Nobody to miss, nobody to disappoint or take care of or fix. It was just her in the water and she was beautiful. It made her happy when it should've frightened her, to die. She spent all this time avoiding it with drinking and parties but then why did the thought make her so relaxed?

"Riley, talk to me." Farkle pleaded, afraid that she just stopped speaking. She was crying and didn't even notice. Her fingertips touched her wet face and even tasted the salt of her tears.

"Wow!" Riley cried in now, amused and uncontrollable laughter. "Oh my God, wow! What the fuck was that, right?" She stood up and walked away from Farkle in stifled guffaws. She didn't know if she couldn't breath because she was laughing so hard or because she was panicking.

Trying to get his bearings, Farkle crept behind Riley. "Riley... Are you OK?"

Tenderly, he reached for her shoulder but she whipped around, blinding him with her bright grin and trying to physically wipe the grim from her face. "Yeah, yeah, totally. All this SAT stuff has just got me going absolutely bonkers! It's nothing. Nada."

"Riley, you were just crying -"

"So, are you going to Darby's party tonight?" Riley did have this habit of switching topics at a rapid pace so, in efforts not to get her upset again, he decided to play along.

Startled, Farkle answered, "Uh... No, no, I have this early interview tomorrow and - "

"Ugh, Farkle! Do you always say 'no'?"

"No." Riley made a smirk at him and leaned her arm on his shoulder. Having her so close made his brain short circuit.

"Really?"

"I do say 'yes' to things! I say 'yes' a lot!" He could think of at least a million times that he's said 'yes'. To Riley, anyway.

"Then why do I never see you at any parties?"

"Because, they're just not my scene. It's a bunch of people that I don't know or really even like rubbing against each other and stoned out of their minds. Meanwhile, I have everything I actually _do_ like right here." Farkle held out his long arms, showing off his condominium-sized room. "It's a no-brainer."

"You shouldn't isolate yourself, Farkle! How do you expect to make friends in college?"

"I'll go to same one as you. So, friends: done. " he clicked his tongue, marking his imaginary clip board.

Riley scoffed, "You have to put yourself out there, so others will see how amazing you are. If you want people to like you for you, you got to be you."

"Yeah, that sounds like a lot of _me_ and..." Farkle shook his head, wincing. Suddenly, her vision was stuck to Farkle's nightstand. Riley skipped over and Farkle followed in apprehensive steps. "Riley, what are you doing?"

"You know what makes great ice-breakers?" She opened his drawer to find a bottles of Xanax. "Party favors!" Riley sang and shook them like maracas.

"Riley, I need those." He took the bottles from her hands.

"Oh, come on, I know between you and your mom, you'll be able to get more later." Riley reasoned. "What's the worst that will happen if you go without?"

"Nausea, heart palpitations, anxiety attacks, headaches - "

"Well, what if you take one more than usual?"

"I'll fall asleep, most likely."

"Well, neither of those are good for meeting new people." Riley grumbled. "Oh, I know! The beer at this thing will be amazing! You'll probably be a whiz at beer pong!"

"Riley, I shouldn't drink."

"You never drink!" Riley exclaimed.

"Because I could die!" Farkle answered, matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, but we're all gonna fucking die anyway! You might as well be having a good time!" Riley cheerily pointed out before reading a text from her friend Kristen, asking if she was getting ready yet. "I'm gonna go." She responded quickly and put her phone in her bag. "I want to see you there tonight, Farkle."

Before he could make any objections, Riley left him. Farkle was muttering curses under his breath, then he felt his left back-pocket buzz with a message from Riley:

_and don't forget to wear green :)))))_

* * *

Riley came in the window as Maya was playing 90's grunge alternative and customizing her outfit for the night. She wore one of those 'Kiss Me, I'm Irish' shirts but shredded it so the skin of her torso showed in slashes. Riley barely came through the front door anymore. Her blood family was hopeless. She immediately started to undress from her school uniform and she found her bright green, long-sleeved crop top and low-rise jeans.

"You're late," Maya sang, rimming her eyes with black liner.

"Whatever, the party doesn't start until we get there anyway. Doesn't hurt to be fashionably late!"

Humming a giggle, Maya tossed her blonde waves, "So true, Honey."

Riley put the tight shirt over her head and laid on her bed to pull her pants on and up. Next, she slid on her matching green Chuck Taylor's and dressed her arm with colorful bracelets. After Maya put on her heels, the girls found long coats to hide their outfits from the adults.

Walking down the hall, they mapped out their game-plan, "So, we have dinner with the family..." Riley said.

"Blah, blah, pass the carrots, blah, I love you all so much, blah blah." Maya summarized.

"Then, it's parrrtyyy timeeeee!"

"Shush, Riles!"

Riley hunched over to whisper, " _Paarrrrtyy timmmeeee!"_

Barely disguising their excitement, Riley and Maya had a chuckling fit until they entered the living room. They were surprised to see Riley's uncle Josh instead of their parents.

"Josh?"

"Hey, Riley. Maya." He smiled at Riley and nodded to Maya.

"Hi." She responded coolly. Maya didn't call him 'Boing' or 'Husband', which was new.

"What are you doing here?"

Auggie, who was sitting on the couch in his pajamas, told them, "Mom and Dad think I - the picture of impeccable behavior - need a babysitter."

"And they didn't just ask me to do it?" Riley said to herself, offended.

"Well, it's Friday! You always go out on Fridays, Riles." Maya comforted. "They probably didn't want to stop you."

"Yeah, it was super last minute." Josh added. "Which is why they left money for pizza!"

"Yay!" Auggie cheered.

"But it looks like you guys are going out."

"Yeah, there's a party." Riley hooked her arm in Maya's. Seeing Josh, she just knew it was going to be taxing to get Maya out the door.

"A party, you say? I didn't hear about any party. As far as I know, you guys have been in your room the whole night."

Riley smiled, "Thanks, Josh. See ya later!"

The man made a charming wink at them before they made their exit. Maya was easily moved; she didn't have to be dragged at all. Yet, as soon as they left the house, Maya's phone was going off like crazy. As every new message chirp came in, Riley was getting more and more suspicious. On the train, Maya couldn't see the investigative way her best friend was looking at her. Riley was being critical of every giggle and smile, trying to read them.

She made one more secretive snicker before Riley exploded, "OK! That is it!"

Maya was wide-eyed, "What'sa matter, honey?"

"You! Who are you texting all the time?"

"Nobody, sweetie." Maya cooed and pet her chocolate brown curls. "There is no one but you."

"If there's no one but me, why do you keep phone out around me all the time? The only person that texts you that much is me, anyways! You don't talk to anyone else!"

"Not true. I text Huckleberry, Zay... even Farkle if I have a Farkle-y question." Maya asserted.

"Not. As much. As me." There was a slight twitch in Riley's eye, that made Maya take her a bit more earnestly.

"OK Riley - "

"Is it a boy? I smell a boy!"

Maya's low-key disposition faltered, "What makes you think it's a boy?"

"When Josh is around, it's like there's no one else in the world! You always want to be near him, next to him, on him - you're like a dog in heat! But just now, it was like he was a regular ol' Joe - or Josh. You didn't make lame excuses for us to stay home. You didn't even hit on him! There is only one answer - a boy." Riley ranted.

"Riley, don't you think I'd tell my best friend if there was someone in my life? Someone important?" It was convincing argument but still not enough. The train bell rang and the girls recognized their stop. While she was distracted, Riley tried to get slick.

"Lemme see your phone," Riley reached and Maya dodged her just in time to put the device down her pants.

"Ah, Swiper, no swiping!" Maya raised a warning finger.

"Aw, man!" Riley snapped her fingers and Maya held her hand with a winning grin. As they strolled, Riley shot the possible choices of people Maya could be dating off, rapid-fire.

"Billy Ross?"

"No."

"Charlie Gardner?"

"No way, he had a thing with both you and Huckleberry. _Yecch._ "

"The rebel boy?"

"Doesn't he have a name?"

"Joey?"

"He's 24!"

"Yeah, but you have that daddy complex - " Outside of the party, Maya held Riley by the face.

"Riley. Read my lips: I am with no one. I am with no one but you, OK?" Her beaming smile made Riley feel at ease.

"For the rest of our lives?" Riley asked, hopeful.

"For the rest of our lives, you little nut-job." She booped her nose and Riley giggled. They could hear the music pounding from inside and kids in green were coming in and out of the three story house. In the streetlights, people were being doused in silly string and glitter. Thumping EDM shook the place and Riley bobbed her head. Zay was an aces DJ - he could find the perfect song for any moment. If only Riley could persuade him to add just one Broadway song into his mix. Maya lit up a cigarette and then, Lucas ran into view wearing gym shorts and green warpaint.

"Hey!" The only thing brighter than his smile as the green glitter in his hair.

"Hey, Friar Huck." Maya said, blowing smoke. "Where's your flesh light?"

Lucas' mouth pulled a line and turned to hug Riley, "Glad you're here."

Riley blushed with her hand on his spine, "Well, I never miss a party."

As soon as they let go, Missy appeared and held the boy by the waist with a taunting smile at the two girls. "Hey, I've been looking for you. Oh, hey baby Matthews."

"Hi." Riley made a half-smile.

"Hey Missy, nice shorts but aren't you worried about your butt-pad showing?" Maya teased.

"Oh, I didn't even see you there, white trash." Missy scathed.

"Yeah, sup, succu-bitch." Maya nodded.

"Girls, play nice. It's a party!" Lucas looked at Missy for a second until she shoved her tongue down his throat. Maya made a gagging sound as Riley frowned.

Coming up for air, Missy whispered against his lips, pressing herself against him, "I'll be inside." She gave Riley and Maya the once-over and trotted away.

"Huckleberry, I could literally floss with that girl. Are you that much of a Howdy Doody whore that you don't care where the cat comes from, where it's been, what diseases it has... " Maya criticized him for the umpteenth time about hooking up with Missy. She yammered on and on about why he shouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole, Maya didn't even recognize him walking over to grab her by the chin until she felt her lips being squeezed together by his fingers and she had to swallow her words.

He released her when he saw Farkle shyly walking up. "No fucking way," he was pleasantly surprised to see his bookish friend there.

Riley grinned with joy and ran to him, "Farkle! You came!" She forced an embrace on him that he was ready to accept.

Maya smacked Lucas' hand away and walked up to them. "Hey, Minkus! I see you even caught the Irish spirit." She pointed out his dark green button-down that looked black to anyone without an artist's eye.

"Yeah, well... I wanted to support Zay and I came bearing gifts!" He revealed a plastic bag half full of white pills.

"Candy!" Maya cheered and Lucas roared with her, "Candy!"

"Gimme-gimme-gimme!" Both of them took one pill each. Maya popped it inside her mouth and threw off her coat, running to the madness. Lucas followed suit. Riley laughed, shaking her head with her hands on her hips.

"So," she dipped one in the bag and put a pill on her tongue. Farkle watched her every move, licking his lips. "You think you're ready for this?"

Farkle was so mesmerized that all he could do was smile like a baby. Riley chuckled and grabbed his hand, leading him into the party. Darby's house was wall to wall with kids from all over the borough. In the crowd, they were able to have view of Zay on his platform and the hostess with her lips attached to his ear. They were being absorbed to the dance floor and Riley never let go of his hand. Finally, they found Maya dancing wildly. When she caught sight of her friends, she shrieked their names like she hasn't seen them in years. She connected to their arms, making them dance together in a circle. Then, the song changed and the group felt themselves being pushed forward like a wave. Everyone started to jump with their hands in the air. Bodies were being pressed and knocked together.

Farkle wasn't pleased but the girls were fine with it. Riley and Maya were dancing together, uncaring of how the looked or who was ogling them. The tall brunette had her hands on the blonde's hips and realizing that the guy was feeling left out, pulled him closer. Riley's hand snaked behind Farkle's neck, making him look down at her fit body move. Slowly, she felt him try to match the patterns of her grinding and hold her bare waist just to keep up. She felt so warm and safe, being in the middle of her two best friends in the whole wide world. Maya spun around by Riley's fingertips, grinning like crazy. With Maya by the hand and Farkle's breath on her neck, Riley would have loved to stay like this forever. Forever dancing, forever free.

Suddenly, Riley was being yanked in another direction. Her friend Tabitha was dragging her away. She looked back and Maya wasn't fazed but Farkle was looking lost.

"I'll be back!" Her voice was barely audible over the bass.

* * *

Riley never came back. A small party in the kitchen was being given in her honor by her fellow cheerleaders for having Taryn break her leg, so now Tabitha was the new flyer. They fed her cups of smuggled Everclear mixed with orange juice. There was birthday cake vodka poured down her mouth by a football player. He told her to open her mouth like the good girl she was and she complied. Riley winced at the burning but took the bottle from the boy's thick hands when he wasn't paying attention. With each gulp, Riley could feel herself fading farther and farther away from reality.

Riley couldn't find her friends if she tried, as everyone's faces were blurring. She didn't know anyone anymore, which was fine with her because she always felt like no one knew her. She didn't even remember that she came with Maya and was supposed to be with Farkle. She didn't remember that Lucas was even there. The last thing in her memory was the taste of invincibility. Riley was dripping wet, after jumping in the pool with some other kids earlier. She used Darby's roof as her diving board.

Her close friends would never encourage her to do things like that. She could hurt herself, they'd say. They didn't understand that like this, Riley was a superhuman. She was stronger than all of them. Nothing bad could ever happen. She could keep drinking and dancing as the world fell around her. She would still be standing. For hours, Riley shook and gyrated to the rhythm, never tiring. Finally, when Riley really looked around, she was the last one on the floor. Zay wasn't even at his booth anymore but slower vibing music continued to play. It was like everyone poofed in thin air.

Some kids were passed out on the floor, sleeping in glitter dust. A couple was having sex in the pool. Riley went in the kitchen to find her coat in the sink but but not wet and free of vomit. As she was making her exit, she ran into Zay. He was on the couch with Darby, making out. He didn't notice her pet his afro or even put her face in it. She smelled coconut.

It was when Riley put her hand on his shoulder, he turned and gave her a goofy smile, "Hey... You out?"

"Yeah."

"Need me to walk you home?" Darby's lips pressed kisses to Zay's neck.

Riley hummed a giggle and shook her head, "No. I'll be fine."

"OK. Thanks for coming."

He gave her a high-five that transformed into a handshake and Riley skipped her way to the subway home. In her daze, she twirled around the poles being the only one in her train car. Then, she arrived to her bay window, fully expecting to see a passed out Maya in her bed. Imagine the surprise, when she wasn't there. She climbed into her room and kept staring at her bed so hard, that she thought she could will Maya to appear. That didn't work. She glanced around and still saw her stuff there, so she couldn't have went back home.

Riley carefully stepped into the hallway of her quiet brownstone to search for Maya. She heard a noise come from her parents' bedroom. First, she thought it was just her mom and dad. She took a second to hold back the puke from rising in her throat and was about to keep walking but then she heard another sound. A laugh. Maya's laugh. Her weary eyes narrowed and she tiptoed to the slightly open door. Peaking through, she could make out a back. It was muscular and toned, a man's. He was on his knees and there was pale, smooth legs at his sides. The toes were curling as the man kept pulling the body into his lap. Suddenly, a moan filled the air and Riley's eyes were saucers seeing Maya's face land in the crook of his neck. From a side profile, it could be easily seen that Josh was panting into her ear, shushing her from making too much noise but it was too late for that.

She almost tripped over herself, backing away from what she had saw. Her mind became a mess and tears came to her eyes. She had to get out of there.

How could she? How could they both, but no, how could she? How could she do this to Riley? They were supposed to tell each other everything and she keeps this a dirty little secret? How dare she, how fucking dare she! Riley took her in and this is what she does? She's supposed to healing and being Riley's sister, not off having sex with her uncle. It's revolting. How long was this going on? How long was she lying? And she lied right to Riley's face? Who does Maya think she is? She can't get away with this. This is going to come out, sooner or later. But, of course she won't be punished. No, because everyone pities Maya even when things are her own fucking fault. Poor Maya, she can't good grades because no one helps her. Riley gets good grades and miraculously, she doesn't have to ask anyone, but no big deal. Poor Maya, her mom's a fuck-up, so let's give her a home. Poor Maya, looking for love with people who don't want her because her dad left. Poor fucking Maya.

Everybody protects Maya. Everyone loves Maya. Nobody loves Riley.

* * *

Her white knuckles rapped against Lucas' window. He could've had Missy in his bed for all she knew but Riley was taking the risk. A light turned on and a groggy Lucas came into view. As he rubbed his sleepy eyes, Riley remembered that most people needed rest and she wasn't one of them.

He opened the window, squinting, "Riley? What are you doing here? It's almost four."

"Is anyone with you right now?"

"No...?" He dragged out the word, confused.

She quickly nodded and invited herself in. Riley hadn't been in Lucas' room for a long time but it looked the same. The posters of all his favorite sports teams were still on the walls. The wooden cross was still above his bed. Twenty pound dumbbells sat in a corner. It was like time hasn't past at all. She smiled, thinking maybe nothing really changed. Maybe...

"Riley, what's going -" The girl pounced on him eagerly and took his mouth in a hard kiss. He barely had time to react, making a shocked muffled sound. Riley held Lucas close, forcing her tongue into his mouth. She tasted the bourbon on his teeth and swallowed his protests. When he was finally able to pry Riley off him, they were both breathless.

"What the hell, Riley?!" He gently touched his bruised lips.

"I want you, Lucas. I want you to be my first." She declared and with determination got Lucas in her grip again but the kiss made him alert enough to slip away.

"What? Whoa, whoa, whoa - _what?_ "

She reached for his boxers, attempting to take them down, "C'mon, Lucas. We dated already, what's the big deal?"

He grabbed her hands and looked in her foggy eyes. "Riley, what's going on?"

Not expecting his rejection, she wriggled away from him. "Why does something have to be wrong?! Why can't you just have sex with me?! I mean, you find me attractive! We dated!"

Lucas raised his hands, trying to keep her calm, "Riley, that was three years ago. I-I thought we moved on from this - "

"So, what makes me not good enough, huh? You can fuck Missy, you can even fuck Charlie Gardner - you fuck everyone because that's what being bi means, right?! You can have sex with anything that walks and no one can judge you! So, what's the fucking problem, Lucas?!"

Lucas opened his mouth, trying to find his next words and control his anger because it was clear that his friend was going through something right now. He exhaled and stared at the ground. Lucas firmly spoke in a low, ominous tone, "I don't know what's wrong, Riley but because something clearly _is_ wrong, I'm going to do us both a favor and forget you said the things just did. But for the record, if I did sleep with everyone it'd would be my choice and my business and I would like to think my friend could respect it. But I don't sleep with everyone, Riley. I mean, you're exhibit A."

Before she could crumple, Riley muttered, "Fuck you, Lucas." Lucas did plead for her to wait, apologetic but she leaped out the window and down the fire escape. Riley turned around to look back up at the window and the light was turned off. He really wasn't going to stop her. Because, like she thought, he didn't love her.

Riley's vision was blurred with tears the whole way to the Upper East Side. Every time she took a breath, she just began to weep all over again. Hysterically, Riley banged on the Minkus' building door, knowing that someone had to be around. It was the night guard, Darrick. He knew Riley. She cried and insisted that it was an emergency and she needed Farkle right away. No cops or ambulance, just Farkle. It took numerous rings but Farkle did eventually answer the phone. As soon as the guard mentioned Riley, Farkle jolted awake and demanded that she be sent up.

He ran to his door to meet her in his pajamas. When he opened the door there she was, beautifully miserable with mascara running down her face. As soon as Farkle locked the door behind them, Riley put her arms around him and gave him a deep, enveloping kiss. She held his face and let her fingers massage the nape of his neck. For a second, he let himself drift along her lips because he had to be dreaming. But then, gently he pushed her away.

Farkle searched her eyes and whispered her name but Riley begged, "Farkle, please. Please say 'yes'. Please." She peppered kisses on his neck and cheeks. She sounded so desperate, it broke Farkle's heart in half. He guided them in front of the fireplace, where he saw her better. He was less shy and awkward with his actions, now putting his hands in Riley's hair and letting his tongue caress her neck. Riley began to unbutton his top, tugging him down to the rug with her. Every move was so tender and pure. It didn't even hurt like everyone said but it there was an aching in the depths of her stomach. A need, as he let his hands explore her nakedness, to be touched so preciously like she could disappear at any moment. When he was inside her, he held her fingers and kissed them. She wept because never has she felt so beautiful, so safe in someone's arms.

Never has she felt so loved.

* * *

Riley had over-slept. She woke up in a panic in Farkle's arms, near the fire. She was going to be late for practice. She found her clothes and stuffed her body into them. Hurriedly, she ran down the steps as the elevator wasn't quick enough. She yelled a goodbye to Derrick as she flew past him. Riley ran all the way to the subway, thinking about how she didn't have her uniform. In the gym's lost and found had some baggy gym shorts and an Adams' School guys t-shirt. It would have to do. All of the girls were in position about to begin, when Riley came jogging up.

"Baby Matthews, late!" Missy hollered.

"Sorry! Won't happen again!" Riley took one of her bracelets from the night before and put her hair in a high-pony.

Missy ignored her and began to start the routine. "5, 6, 7, 8!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Well, not 11,000 but still a bit too long for my liking. Thanks for reading and if you like what you read, please review.
> 
> Next up: Farkle.


	3. Farkle

The hem of his pants ripped, climbing Lucas' fire escape. Fuck it, though. This was an emergency. Farkle's palms split with glass, pounding on the window. It looked like Lucas was working out. Normally, Farkle would've peeped in, saw that his best friend was busy doing something more important than whatever his "problem" was and shrink off back to his apartment. But, again, this was an emergency.

It was when Lucas put down his weights, his was able to see the fragile blue eyes in his view. Hurriedly, he opened his window and Farkle came in, hitting the floor then pacing.

"Farkle?" Something was wrong, so obviously wrong. "Farkle, talk. What's the matter?" Lucas pleaded, but he was too lost in his own head. The words he did give made no sense whatsoever. Not to him, anyway and that worried Lucas because he considered himself to be pretty fluent in Farkle by now.

"We went to school. We studied. We talked. We went to the party. Danced, drank, did drugs. I left, she stayed - "

"She _who_?"

" - I went home and prepped for Princeton, then I fell asleep. She came to me crying and we-we-we - " Farkle was short-circuiting. Farkle was having a panic attack. Slowly as the boy in the suit stuttered, Lucas put his hands on his shoulders, sitting him down on his bed gently. The next thing Farkle heard was running water. Lucas came out his bathroom with a cup full. He didn't even notice him leave.

As he gulped down the water, Lucas said, "OK, now. Tell me what happened."

Farkle drank the whole cup and sighed. "Last night, I had sex. With Riley."

"... Goddamn almighty ... Wow." Farkle studied Lucas' reaction. He saw a flicker of something like a revelation but he decided to ignore it for now.

Instead, he sighed, "yeah. Wow."

Neither of them spoke for a spell. Lucas then managed, "well... how d'ya feel?"

So many emotions and words and thoughts came to Farkle and they all added up to one single statement. "It doesn't make sense."

"What doesn't make sense?"

"Why did Riley come to me? Why did Riley want to have sex with me... and not you?"

Lucas' eyes grew wide, "What? W-what? Why would she-?"

" - when we studied she talked about you two getting back together." Lucas was blushing and beginning to sweat like he was flustered. Lucas Friar was never flustered, that was more a Farkle Minkus thing. Still, Farkle noted it secretly as well. "She said there has to be a reason why you were the only serious relationship the other has had."

"Yeah, because we were pressured into thinking we were meant to be together by middle school drama." Huffing, Lucas carded a hand through his hair and turned to his best friend. "Farkle, look. Riley and I? That's a finished chapter. I don't know - maybe I led her into thinking that we could start dating again by accident but I promise, we're done."

"But, if she still has feelings for you - "

"I would never be with someone I knew you cared about, Farkle." Lucas said with finality. "Whatever my feelings or hers, I wouldn't do that to you."

Farkle bit his lip. "Did you know then? In middle school?"

Lucas carefully chose his words, "I had... a hunch but nothing certain. I didn't _really_ know, like I know now, y'know?"

Farkle cast his eyes out the window to the city, pensive. "What happened in between the time I left and the time she showed up at my door?"

Lucas did the same. "I don't know. I didn't really hang out with Riley much last night. Not that I remember, anyway." He snapped back to Farkle, showcasing his pearly whites. "Farkle, instead of analyzing this to death, why not be a little excited? This could mean something big for you two! Something more."

"It still doesn't make any sense. Lucas, she came to me _crying_. Something really bad happened last night."

Lucas pursed his lips and looked out the ground. Then, eyeing the Farkle's nice attire, he remembered the interview his friend had. "How'd it go at Princeton?"

"What? Oh, not good."

* * *

Farkle's crossed leg bounced as he watched the clock on the wall tick. His therapist sat across from him. Every now again, she'd look over the tip of her glasses and write something down, though he wasn't saying anything. It was weird for Farkle; he usually didn't mind talking to Linda. It was one of this favorite parts of the week. The problem was that he couldn't answer the simple question: "So, what happened in the time that I saw you last?"

He wanted to jump up and shout, "WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT THE FUCK DIDN'T HAPPEN?" Instead, he just sighed and said, "A lot."

Linda took a sip of tea. "Care to share?"

Farkle thought about how he wanted to word his statement before answering, "I had my interview at Princeton last week."

"Yes, I remember. How do you think it went?"

"Awful." Farkle didn't hesitate to say it. "I was late by at least 20 minutes, I was nervous and jittery and I couldn't look at the guy and I stuttered - at one point, I just held my shoe in my hands! I-I don't even know how it got there!"

Her voice was soothing, "Why do you think that happened?"

Farkle gulped and looked away from her. The gears in his brain creaked to a halt. He knew why it happened: Riley. He prepared himself so well for that interview for Princeton's summer program. He arranged a lunch with a student who had got in and based off of their meeting, wrote note cards of universal answers to the questions. He had his suit pressed and his shoes shined. His alarm was supposed to wake him up at 8:30. However, the thing that woke Farkle was his butler, Terrence, hovering over him and looking confused. He was still on the floor, wearing only a blanket. Riley was gone. She didn't even say goodbye.

"I don't know." Farkle managed. "Nerves, maybe. Probably."

Linda tightened her lips and scribbled something down again. "Well, possibly it didn't go as bad as you thought and even if it had, would that be the worst thing in the world? You could still go to another school."

"This is Princeton. When my father got in, he immediately started saving up so I could go. Trust me, there is no other place in this world."

"Have you spoken to him about it?"

"… Can we talk about something else?"

Linda smiled softly, "Sure. What else would you like to talk about?"

"The Spring Rally. I have a performance tomorrow."

"How are you feeling about that?"

"Pretty good. I mean, singing is something that comes kind of natural to me, so," he shrugged. "Talking, however…" Farkle made a nervous chuckle and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Farkle, you have anxiety. It's a disorder. It's not your fault."

"I know it's not; that's the worst part of it. I know that it's just a combination of my upbringing and my brain receptors going haywire but… I absolutely hate that this is something that I can't fix. I know the problem and I know I'm not the one that caused it but I can't fix it. So, now I'm just reduced to another rude rich kid who doesn't talk because I'm a snob or because I think I'm too smart everyone.

But really, I'm just thinking all the time about what people want to hear and how to get people not to dislike me. Every move, every word is calculated and if I can't get it perfect than I don't want to say anything at all. I can never relax! My brain is always going, it's always… It keeps me being the person I want to be. It's not fair… I don't want to feel this way anymore and I'm scared that I'll feel this way forever."

Linda sympathetically tilted her head and passed Farkle a box of tissues. She made a heavy sigh, "Farkle, there are only two types of people in this world: people with mental illness and people who it hasn't hit yet. You're not alone in anything you're feeling. This isn't something that goes away completely but you learn to live with it. You learn to not let it define you. You're still learning and it never stops. Life is longer than most realize and Farkle, you've been getting better all the time. Celebrate. You have a reason to. The reason being that you are still here." Farkle made a weak smile, his eyes involuntarily welling with tears. She turned her head upwards, looking at the time. "Time's up."

Linda went back to her desk and found one appointment card to give Farkle. "Same time next week?"

He took the card, "Yeah." She escorted him to the door, patting his back as his sniffed and wiped his eyes. Before he left, she said, "And Farkle? Have a happy birthday."

He made a crooked grin, "Thanks, Dr. Smackle."

Farkle waited outside for his car to come and get him. He lit up a cigarette. It was a habit he adopted from his mother, like his becoming good looks. Although, she did it to keep skinny; he did it to keep from talking to himself in public. He leaned against the wall, observing a girl that kept looking at him from the corner of her eye. She was cute but she wasn't - you know. When they finally made direct eye contact, Farkle wanted to flee the scene immediately. He wouldn't even know where to go, but he just wanted to get out of dodge.

Then, she started to walk right up to him, big brown eyes never wavering. Fuck, he was frozen.

"Did you know that in between 1964 and 2014, 2.5 million people died from exposure to secondhand smoke, according to a report from the U.S. Surgeon General?" Her voice was commanding and matter-of-fact.

Quickly, Farkle snuffed out his newly lit cigarette against the brick building, muttering an unneeded apology. Seeing him blush and stutter, the girl realized that she was the one who should be apologizing.

"No, I'm sorry," she followed. "That was rude of me. Instead of greeting you properly, I scold you for your vices like I'm your mother. Allow me to reintroduce myself. My name is Isadora." She stuck out her hand at an acute angle. Farkle shook it slowly and firmly. She had a better handshake than most of his father's colleagues.

"Farkle Minkus." He started.

"Minkus... Your father is Stuart Minkus, C.E.O. and founder of Minkus Enterprises. Your mother is Jennifer Bassett-Minkus, former actress and model, now owner of BM cosmetics."

She sounded like she was reading off a newspaper, where they were very likely to be found. No use in denying it. "Yep. The gruesome twosome." He made a crooked smirk to himself before taking it back. He shouldn't talk about his parents like that to people who don't know them, especially with their status. "I mean, they're good parents and all, I - I was just joking." Isadora nodded and Farkle thought he needed to say something else to fill the space between them. "So, do you go to Dr. Smackle?" It seemed like a practical question in his head but then he thought about the implication that the girl needed therapy and how offensive it might be. "I-I-I mean, not that you would need to or anything but - "

"No, my mom works here." Isadora answered. She didn't seem bothered. Farkle was relieved.

"What school do you go to?"

"Einstein. You?"

"Adams Charter."

"Huh. Your parents didn't put you in private?"

"They wanted to but I wanted to be with my friends. Also... I reasoned that I could be at the top of my class a bit more easily there."

"You don't want the challenge? The rush of learning new things, of being the best?" She was getting a bit passionate. "I really love academia."

Farkle chuckled, "me too. Sometimes I get bored at Adams, but like I said, I have friends there."

"Well, not to be disrespectful but you don't care that they're holding you back? I mean, you could make friends at Einstein. You could make friends anywhere."

His parents have been saying that for years but it took someone who was pretty much a stranger for him to really consider it. Farkle knew that he could have more opportunities for educational growth at other schools but somehow, he thought being around the people he knew since was nine was more important. He put them first, instead of himself. He did that a lot. Honestly, for the life of him, Farkle couldn't remember the last time any of them did that for him.

Soon, a black, sleek town car pulled up on the curb. Farkle pointed it out, "that's for me." Isadora smiled softly. It was a smile that Farkle could only describe as goofy yet... beautiful. "It was nice to meet you, Isadora."

"You too, Farkle, and hey," she opened the lower compartment of her backpack and found a notepad. She scribbled down something quickly and handed it to him, as he sat in the backseat. It was her number. "If you ever get bored again," Isadora explained. Farkle wanted to say something but he was already driving away. He probably wanted to invite her to his birthday party but then again, him knowing himself, he would've talked himself out of it.

* * *

Farkle's birthday was on Tuesday but his party was on Friday. On his actual birthday, the gang surprised him at his locker with streamers and noisemakers. They scared the shit out of him and Maya caught it on camera. That same day, Farkle had a performance with his a cappella group. He sung a solo to _My Cherie Amour_. Fitting to the say the least, desperate to say the most. Riley and the cheerleaders sat front row because they went on after them. Riley made a blinding, blissful grin, like everything was just going completely over her head. She didn't have a care in the world. Maybe because Farkle carried them all for her.

Later, they all went to Topanga's, something they haven't done in a while. Because of different interests, jobs and new friends, Farkle felt their tight-knit group loosening up at the seams. He was still happy that there could still be one place that was just theirs. A place where all five of them could just talk, like no time past at all. In his head that's how it seemed but maybe he was just living in denial, a nice coping mechanism. He noticed everyone was sitting together but in their own little worlds. Farkle sat at the counter getting everyone's order, like he always did. He got one cupcake for Riley, a latte for Maya, an apple for Lucas and a cookie for Zay. Farkle normally got nothing because he doesn't eat sweets but Mrs. Matthews tried to slip him a red velvet piece of cake.

"Mrs. Matthews, I think you accidentally gave me this." He put the slice back on the counter.

"No, I didn't. Farkle, I've known you for over 10 years, you don't think I don't remember your birthday? Here, enjoy." Topanga pushed it back toward him.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Matthews. I'd rather you hold onto this for an actual paying customer than have me waste it." He slid it back. "Besides, I'm not a big fan of cake."

"Oh." The tone of her voice made him feel terrible and rude. She was just trying to be kind and give him a treat, on the house and he refused it.

"But, I-I really do appreciate it, Mrs. Matthews! Really I do! It's so thoughtful, thank you."

"It's OK, Farkle. Happy Birthday." He should've just took the damn cake. What harm would it have done? It's not like he would take a bite and die. He could be such an asshole, sometimes. He tried to give Maya her coffee but Riley told her she was outside on the phone "again." She rolled her eyes and continued with her homework. Yeah, something was for sure off with her. After giving the group their orders, Farkle told them that he would be outside, smoking a cigarette and give him the signal if Riley's mom came back out.

Discreetly, he took a table and watched Maya near the bushes. She was giggling and twirling her hair, two habits that weren't like Maya at all. She was acting like, and he really hated to think like this but, she was acting like a normal girl.

"But you're gonna call me tomorrow, right? Don't worry, I can get out of it. Yeah. Yeah..." There it was again. That childlike laughing. "OK. I'll text you. Yeah. Bye." Maya whipped around and seeing Farkle lounging in the chair, so cool, made her jump.

Smoke emitted from his mouth and nostrils, "did I scare you?"

"Shut up." Maya took the cigarette from his mouth and took a drag, then she grimaced, "ugh. What is this?"

"Pall Mall." He showed her the box.

She gave the cigarette back to him and took her coffee, joining him at the table. Quietly, she drank her vanilla latte like nothing happened, like she didn't just get caught flirting it up with some mystery man. Maya thought Farkle wouldn't questions because he usually doesn't. But this time, he couldn't help himself.

"So..."

"So...?"

"Who was the guy?"

Maya huffed, "what makes you think it's a guy?"

Farkle quirked an eyebrow. "Who's the... _girl?_ "

"... Alright, so it's a guy." She admitted, taking another Pall Mall for herself.

"Anyone I know?"

"Maybe."

"What grade is he in?"

In thought, Maya blew smoke from her puffy lips. "... 14th grade?"

Farkle scoffed in disbelief, "he's a college guy? Who do you know that's -" Suddenly, the realization came to him and before he could say his name, Maya raised a warning finger, "not a word."

"But - Maya - really?"

Maya, offended, "Fuck you. What do you mean 'really'?"

"I mean, like - does Riley know?"

"No and it needs to stay that way. Farkle, I mean it."

"But... why? She's your best friend and... his niece." Farkle shrugged.

"It's going to get too complicated. I want to keep this quiet until I'm 18, so no one freaks out."

The boy paused, a loss for words. He knew that Maya always had a thing for Josh but he was surprised that Josh would actually start a relationship with her. In fact, Farkle respected him for not making light of their age difference, which is still apparently in the back of his mind or else they wouldn't have to be a secret. Farkle considered Josh to be more... principled than this but if Maya was happy, then Farkle was happy.

But, looking at her face against the sunset, Maya didn't look really happy.

It bothered him so much, Farkle had to comment on it. "For someone, who's been waiting for this pretty much her whole teenage life, you don't look too thrilled about it."

The girl sighed and to a sip of her coffee before answering, "I hate keeping secrets from her."

In this moment, Farkle wondered if Maya knew about the sex with Riley.

No. She couldn't have.

Maya was the type to poke at people when she had classified information on them. She didn't make any inappropriate jokes toward the matter once. So, Riley was keeping this a secret from Maya, too. This made him feel insignificant, like that night didn't matter to her at all. Maybe Farkle wasn't her first, that's why she didn't tell her. Maybe it was no big deal to her because she'd done it before and the guy was much better than Farkle was. God, he'd give all the money in the world to know what Riley Matthews was thinking.

"Farkle, I can trust you. Right?" Maya snapped him back to reality. "You won't tell anyone? Riley, especially?"

"You know you can trust me, Maya." He snuffed out his cigarette in the ashtray.

"Good."

Then, Farkle had another lingering thought. "Maya, what if Riley finds out on her own?"

"What?" Her thick, dark eyebrows knotted. "No. There's no fucking way that's going to happen. Shut up."

"Hm."

* * *

"Tomorrow night needs to go off without a hitch. Guys? What did I just say?"

Perhaps Topanga's was a stale meeting place for them now but the morning wake n' bake ritual on the roof of The Adams School would never go out of style. It was early and they were high, so he needed to make sure they were paying attention. This party was too important. Farkle looked at all of his friends as they droned a lackluster repetition of his last statement. Good enough.

"Guys, seriously," Farkle passed the joint to Maya. "It was like pulling teeth to get my father to let you all come in the first place."

"But it's your party, isn't it?" Zay asked and Farkle gave him a skeptical glance. "When did your parents start hating us, anyway?"

Farkle tried to be sensitive to their feelings in his answer, "they don't - _hate_ you. They think you're a distraction."

"Hmph, so they hate us." Maya made a dry laugh.

"Well, I still think it was nice of them to let us come to this big, fancy party for Farkle. Distraction or not, he needs his friends." Riley declared, before taking a hit of a joint. "And we need him."

Farkle felt like his heart was going to burst.

But then, Riley continued, "but also, can you guys imagine the liquor at this party?"

"Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no." Farkle protested. "Imagine nothing! I don't want you guys high or drunk at this party at all. Like I said: no hitches. The governor is going to be there! The last thing I need is Lucas streaking around the place."

"That was one time! It was a bad joint!" Lucas defended himself.

"Yeah, one time too many. Please, as a gift to me, can we just have one sober party?"

"Bor-ring." Maya sang.

"I don't care. Do it for me, guys?"

"Of course, Farkle." Riley comforted him and came to his side, putting an arm around his shoulder. "Just because we aren't allowed to drink or be high doesn't mean we can't have fun! We can make our own fun! It'll be a blast and we will be sober. Don't you worry your Farkly-little-head!" She smoothed down the front of his hair with her fingertips as he wondered what would she do if his kissed her right there, in front of everyone. But then they heard the bell ring from inside and too soon, Riley pulled away from him saying a quick goodbye.

Next, Maya and Lucas went downstairs but Zay stayed behind with Farkle.

"So, what did your dad say about Princeton?" He asked, popping a mint in his mouth.

"Nothing yet. He's probably too busy, worrying about the big soiree tomorrow." Farkle concluded. "I'll get it sooner or later."

"Maybe you won't, though. Maybe it's not that big of a deal, because you're hella smart and rich, so you can get in anywhere." Zay reasoned. Out of all of his friends, Zay was the only one who somewhat understood his pressure to be perfect. Zay wasn't a genius like him but one of the only black kids in the whole school. Farkle admired Zay but he felt guilty too. He had something to prove, meanwhile, Farkle barely had to work at it.

"When you're a Minkus, everything you do is a big deal. If it's not, you need to make it one."

Zay nodded, having to take his word for it. The two shared a handshake and went their separate ways. It was strange though, that his father hadn't said anything about Princeton yet.

* * *

Farkle wanted to wear the Armani black suit, but his mother put him in the Dolce and Gabbana grey one. She said it went better with his eyes. Maybe it did. Hell if he knew but it was for sure that the black went with his mood. Before they got into the limousine, his leg wouldn't stop shaking. He wondered if he was breaking his own rules by taking a half an extra pill of Xanax, but the most it would do is get him to calm down or at worst be a little drowsy.

It was a silent ride to the venue. His parents were staring at their phones and not talking to each other. Definitely not talking to him. This was normal. It was like from the moment he was born, Jennifer and Stuart gave orders and directions on how to carry on the family name. Stand up straight, said his mother. Eye contact, said his father. Don't speak until spoken to, they both said. No wonder why people thought he was an uptight robot: he wasn't raised by his parents, he was programmed. The kid didn't stand a chance.

From the tinted windows of the stretch limo, Farkle could hear the clicking of cameras. His mother loved a red carpet opportunity and also, a lot of high-profile politicians and businessmen were invited. This would get a guaranteed spot in the New York Times entertainment section. Mr and Mrs. Minkus' stoic faces bathed in the dull glow of their smartphones, akin to the effect of a flashlight underneath someone's chin, scary and ominous.

It was announced that they came to their destination. Jennifer took one final glare into her compact and said, "OK, family. Remember: group shots need smiles, single shots need smizing." The door opened and the flashbulbs burst in their faces. In her smoky and attractive voice, Jennifer greeted and thanked them. This wasn't Farkle's first big event, so he should have been used to the paparazzi echoing his name and all the lights in his sensitive blue eyes and his parents just talking for him. Yet, it never got easier.

Instead of a shade of red, the carpet was a clean beige to mask the dirt from the ground. The Minkus' took the family portraits and then, Farkle stood by himself against the backdrop that had his name obnoxiously all over it. He swore he'd hear the strangers calling his name for a photo in his sleep. Until he heard a familiar, "YO MINKUS!"

A genuine smile came to his face when Farkle turned to the left and saw his four best friends. He was so elated to see them, tears almost came to his eyes. The lanky boy almost ran over to them and got swallowed in their group hug. They lightly teased him for how polished and dapper he looked but they all looked pretty snazzy themselves. Lucas and Zay were in almost identical black tuxedos except Zay had a purple bowtie and matching pocket square, while the older one went for all black everything. Maya was wearing this vintage flapper sequin dress that was as fair as her pink skin and her hair was in waves. Riley wore this sleek, pure white dress that touched her toes. It was backless, so her up-do showed of the arch Farkle knew all too well. To tempt him even more, she wore this gold necklace that was just a chain in the front but dropped down her slender spine. She looked exquisite and badly he wanted to tell her so.

"Farkle, are these your friends?" One of the photographers asked.

"Yes!"

"Can we take some photos?"

"Of course!"

He gave a big and natural grin to the cameras, holding Riley by the waist and Zay by the shoulders. Things were finally feeling enjoyable, like the party officially started. Together, they made their grand entrance into the venue. The music was ragtime-reminiscent, so far away from the 90's alternative bands Farkle actually likes. There were a million caterers and waiters offering fun size three-course meals in travel size bowls. Svaroski chandeliers hung from the ceilings.

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph." Whenever Lucas was really floored with something, his southern slang took new heights. "I forgot how rich you actually are, Farkle."

"Money," Maya started. Then, her and Riley said at the same time, " _big money_."

"Yes," Farkle agreed. "Which is why everything needs to go off without a what?"

"Hitch!" They all said in different pitches and volumes.

"Thank you." Farkle said sarcastically.

"You're welcome." Zay replied seriously.

"Farkle darling," the stunning Mrs. Minkus traveled over in her Versace black dress and stole her son away. "You can talk to your friends later. You have to greet your party guests now."

Of course, they weren't his party guests. They were his parents' colleagues but at this point there was no difference. What was supposed to be maybe 20 minutes of schmoozing turned into a cool hour and a half. Stuart and Jennifer cut the umbilical cord from Philadelphia as soon as they moved to the Upper East Side, so a lot of the people he was thanking were faceless with heavy names. They were all these mini interviews that started with the same question:

"So, where do you plan to go to college?"

Farkle was asked that ever since he was four.

"Princeton."

Princeton University, it's official name since 1896 but founded in 1746. The institution has been in a rivalry with Harvard for best university for 17 years. It has been the life-blood of his father's identity as long as he could remember. So, to think about how colossally bad the meeting went with the dean of admissions, sent Farkle into a tailspin. After talking to the congressman of New York, he felt his chest tightening. It was getting harder to breathe. He had to excuse himself. When he didn't see Lucas, Maya, Zay or Riley anywhere, Farkle ran off to the bathroom.

His sweaty hands shoved into the first stall and he hunched over. Taking deep breaths, he repeated to himself, "don't spiral. You're fine. Don't spiral." Sometimes, it takes a few minutes for him to find himself again. Sometimes not. Farkle lost track of time, hiding in the bathroom. Regaining his composure, he wiped his palms on his knees. Suddenly, Farkle heard someone else run in and a door blasted open. Then, he heard the sounds of heavy puking. When he left his stall, Farkle saw former Mayor Rudy Giuliani, washing his face in the sink. There was no one else in the men's bathroom so, that was him throwing up? No way. The honored and decorated man scrubbed his face, then manically turned around beaming at Farkle.

"Farkle! Happy Birthday, my boy!" His voice boomed with glee.

"Thank you, sir." Farkle was uneasy. What the hell was going on? "Um, are you all right, sir?"

The mayor made a hearty laugh and pat Farkle on the shoulders, hard. "Son, I am _fucking_ fantastic."

 _Well, shit._ Eyes big as his gaping mouth, Farkle watched the politician exit, almost skipping away. Quickly, he followed him out with a bad feeling in his gut. He saw the elderly man jump onto the dance-floor with a bunch of other wily, old suits, jumping around to the rendition of _Play that Funky Music, White Boy._ Grinding was happening, from some of the married couples and some not married. Expensive shoes were off and ties were worn as headbands like it was a high-class, hot mess Coachella. The worst part was his father. His shirt and blazer was off and he was pawing at his mother who looked earnestly horrified. Jennifer tried to push him off but as skinny as the Fortune 500 businessman was, he found this unsinkable strength.

Farkle came to the rescue and pulled his dad away. He had his father by the arms, as his mother yelled, "Stuart, what the hell is the matter with you?!"

"It's a party!" He shouted back, breaking free from his son and running off into the melee. He leaped down from the stage and started moshing with the owner of Uber and Richard Bronson. Some of the women were playing cat and mouse with the men, running and shrieking. Food was being picked up and thrown by grown adults. Seeing the terror on his mother's face, Farkle held her hand.

"How did this happen? Why is this happening?" She whispered to herself. This was the first time he ever saw his mother almost cry.

Farkle had the answer but he was so angry and hurt, he couldn't even speak. When he let go of his mother's hand, she called after him but he had to find his friends. Now.

* * *

After scouting the entire premises, Farkle was able to find the group on the balcony. The boys overlooked the madness like merry gods. The girls were waltzing together gracelessly. The boy charged toward them, but they were so unaware that he was looking for a fight.

"Hey, Farkle, did you see - " Lucas had a smile on his face and a champagne flute in his hand. Farkle shoved him with such force, the flute dropped on the ground. The merriment came to a halt.

"Whoa, whoa, chill, man!" Zay said, putting his hands on Farkle.

Farkle turned on him and shoved him back too. "What the fuck did you guys do?! What did you do?!"

The four of them stood looking back and forth at each other, then gradually they all looked at Riley.

Softly, she explained the chain of events. "You were gone for a while. I saw that I had some leftover Molly and Roofies in my purse and I thought, that _maybe_ it'd be interesting to see what would happen if we spiked some of the drinks."

"... Are you fucking kidding me?" His voice was dripping with disgust and poison.

"Well, Farkle, we only had one glass of champagne each! We aren't drunk; we did stay sober! It's just everyone else that's wasted!" Riley tried to laugh it off.

"Don't try to get off on a technicality, Riley! You knew what I meant by a sober party! No drugs! Anywhere!" He shouted, inching toward her like a menace and she got smaller with every step backward.

"You don't have to yell - "

"You really don't fucking get it, do you? Do you know how my family will look after tonight? How this will ruin our reputation, our business, our lives?! This is going to be everywhere tomorrow! We'll be a fucking joke! But not even that, someone could've gotten hurt by what you did! These people are fucking _old,_ Riley! This shit could kill them! Did you think about that?! Do you think about the repercussions of anything you do, at all?!"

Farkle backed Riley speechless into a corner. He was fuming and wasn't about to stop, so Maya intervened. "Look, Farkle. No one's dead, OK? Just calm down - "

"No! No!" His chest was heaving and he was changing colors.

Worried, Maya asked again, "OK seriously, before you have a heart attack - "

"I ask you guys, for one thing. Just one thing and you can't do it. You can't even manage to just do one thing for me! You don't care about anything or anyone, as long as you're all having a good time! Nothing matters to you people! Nothing matters... " Farkle's heart was going 100 beats per minute. Beads of perspiration was on his forehead and he wiped them off, into his hair, de-slicking it and making it wild like usual. He closed his eyes, "it's my own fault. My dad was right. You should not have been invited. I should have known better."

"Farkle, c'mon..." Lucas knew that Farkle was hurt but now, he was being mean.

"This isn't my party. This," the boy gestured to the hedonistic activities down below, "is _your_ party. Enjoy it. Don't let me damper your good time. I'm... I gotta get the fuck outta here."

The guest of honor turned on his heels and stormed away from the people he cared about most. He heard Maya calling his name. She was chasing him barefoot. Eventually, that stopped. Figures. Keeping his head down, Farkle pushed his way through the cameras and the questions.

"Hey, Farkle! Some 17th, huh?" Some asshole said, flashing what would be an unflattering picture.

Enraged, Farkle took the Nikon and smashed it on the concrete. The portly man cursed him out to Hell but he could care less. He yanked open the door to his stretch limousine and it woke the driver up.

"Sir?" His voice was groggy and thick with sleep.

"Just drive, please... Please..." Farkle pinched his eyes shut in a futile effort to keep his eyes from watering. But, then he didn't understand why he was trying to stop himself from crying. He was alone. No one would judge him. So, he let it out. Everything with his parents, Riley, the pressure of his life fell out of him in his tears. Farkle cried like this was the last time he'd be able to. After tonight, he wouldn't waste a single salty drop on any of these people ever again.

The driver must've heard his crying and asked if he was all right. Taking a deep sigh, Farkle answered, "yes. Yes, I - I am now."

Suddenly, he took out his phone. Missed calls from all of his so-called friends and his mother. The only person he wanted to talk to was Isadora. He was nervous but he felt he had nothing else to lose. The phone rang twice before she answered.

"Hello? Isadora? Hey, it's Farkle Minkus. Hi. I know it's kind of late but I was wondering if you could hang out right now - oh. Oh, really? OK. Yeah, yeah, I can meet you there. Send me the address."

The place was a museum, closed obviously. Farkle was a bit of museum buff, but he didn't recognize this one. Isadora's directions told him to knock at the backdoor, so he did what he was told. For a second, he thought this might have been some elaborate prank but then he heard shuffling and whispering.

"Password," a jokingly deep voice said.

"Shut up, Connor," said the female voice. The heavy wooden door opened and Isadora pulled Farkle inside. "Hi."

"H-hi." It was pretty dark in there, even with the glow of the lights from the walls of information about the... "Rochester Museum? How did you guys get in here?"

Suddenly, the boy with brown jerrycurls and soft green eyes behind round glasses got in his personal space, using that deep octave from earlier. "You a cop?"

"... W-what?"

The bronze-skinned boy exploded into laughter. Isadora rolled her eyes. She introduced him, "Farkle, this is Connor. His father is the director of the Rochester Museum and Science Center. He is a classmate and friend and idiot."

"Dude, you looked like you were about to cry!" Connor said, still cracking up.

"Yeah. Yeah, you got me." Farkle admitted with a nervous smile.

"Well, come on. The others are waiting in the classroom." Connor ran ahead of them down the hall.

"Others? What are we doing?" Farkle asked Isadora.

She locked her arm around his and escorted him down the hall. "You'll see. You look really nice, by the way."

"Thanks."

She took him to what seemed to be an antiquated classroom, with an old-school chalkboard, the anatomy model of a human heart and two other guys. Farkle's phone was having a seizure in his pocket.

"This is Nathan and Park. Guys, this is Farkle Minkus." Isadora formally introduced them.

The taller boy reached out to shake his hand, "call me Nate."

"Sure."

"Farkle Minkus? Christ, what's your middle name?" The short and pudgy Park asked.

"Bassett. My mother's maiden." He shrugged. "I've come to embrace it."

"All right, gentlemen." Isadora unzipped her backpack to bring out a bottle of Tequila. "May we start?"

"We may." Nathan answered, with the same upper crust accent.

"We're playing a game?"

"Yes, see, to unwind me and the guys come up here - "

"Ahem," the only girl interrupted.

" - And Isadora," Connor rolled his eyes, "and compete against each other to solve advanced algebra problems. Whilst drunk off our asses."

"The winner of the previous week gets to be the judge and scorekeeper." Park said. "It's usually between Iz and Connor."

"But last week she lost!" Connor cheered. "Tonight, your host will be _moi_. What do you say, Farkle? You in?"

"Are you sure he can keep up?" Nate quizzed, with a raised brow. "Isn't he from the Ad-dum-dums School?" The other boys stifled laughter behind their hands. Before Isadora could come to his defense, Farkle coolly took off his blazer and helped himself to a clear cup full of Tequila. He downed the drink in one shot and crushed it atop the desk.

He winced, then wiped his mouth on his arm. "Let's do this."

He came 2nd in the drinking games. He got the answer right, before Isadora but one of the rules was to show all work. He missed a step. He wasn't mad; the giggle the girl made when she had found out she won was reward enough. Later on, the group was stumbling through the museum together. Farkle was losing track of time again but in the way someone does when the minutes are filled with laughter. Farkle liked these guys. Nate was a jerk and Park was quiet and Connor was a little silly, but he still liked them. Somewhere along the way, Isadora's hand found his. He felt like he was home, at last.

Suddenly, they were on the roof. He was explaining why Trigun was worth watching to the guys, when he felt Isadora pushing him away from them. A fight wasn't about to break out, though Farkle was getting very passionate. Their voices were colliding; Farkle was still making his case, while the guys making wolf whistles and calling their beloved Iz a whore. She flipped them off without looking them in the eye. Back first, Farkle was shoved into the planetarium.

He laughed to Isadora, "what are you doing? I was winning!"

"Shut up."

"There's no way that One Punch Man would beat Trigun in a fight!"

"I like you, Farkle."

That indeed shut him up. Farkle was the drunkest he'd ever been in his life but her words sobered him. "I... I like you too, Isadora."

"Good." Isadora dropped to her knees in front of him.

"Isadora - "

"I said shut up." Her voice commanded.

He felt her tiny fingers undo his button, then unzipped his pants. Was this happening? Is this real life? Next to Lucas and Zay, he felt so bland. Not ugly but no Adonis. Not even Adonis' distant cousin. But here was this brilliant, beautiful girl that he only met a week ago willing to put his genitals into her intelligent mouth. Then, he felt her around his tip and yes, it was happening. His head tilted back and he let a guttural noise emit from the depths of his throat. It was all so weird but an incredibly satisfying and good type of weird. A happy accident, almost. Not in the way Riley came to him crying that night. As much as he hated to admit it, making love to Riley didn't feel good at all because he didn't understand why it was happened. She didn't show up on his doorstep because she wanted him; she needed someone to give her what she wanted. Farkle was too blinded by his love and affection for her to acknowledge it at the time but he knows her too well and loves her too well and treats her too well. Meanwhile, Farkle gets nothing in return.

His palm massaged its way through Isadora's scalp as she was sending him over the edge. Under the stars, she almost looked like Riley. That should have made him want to stop but it didn't. He wanted to go deeper, faster. This was wrong and degrading but goddamn it, he wanted to punish Riley. He wanted to use her the way she used him. His fist clenched in her hair but he didn't control her movements. In fact, Farkle was losing all of his power. He didn't hear the sounds he was making, he felt so out of body. It didn't feel like it was him, on the brink of speaking in tongues. It didn't feel like his toes, curling up in his socks.

But it definitely wasn't his voice, moaning, "oh God, oh Riley. Riley!" When he was through, Farkle was hazy, waking up from his wonderful dream. Isadora came to his eye level and stared at him, more confused than anything else. His eyes bugged out, realizing that everything done and said was him and he was fucking idiot.

"Oh, oh shit. Fuck, fuck me up, Isadora, I am so sorry! Just... "

She could have done many things at this moment. Yelled at him in Swedish because Farkle knew she was fluent. Spat on him, punched him and broke all the bones in his face. All would have been acceptable to him and deserved. Farkle was scared by her silence.

Until she stunned him, once more, and said, "who's Riley?"

He took a long inhale, then sighed, "Riley's uh... a long story."

She bit her lip, thinking. "Wanna talk about it?"

With a smile in his voice, Farkle admitted, "... Yeah. Yeah, I'd love to."

* * *

Sometimes, being rich was really annoying. Farkle knew that was totally inappropriate, ungrateful and privileged to think but he always had it. Especially now, when he's trying to have a romantic walk with a girl and the fucking driver is slowly pacing behind like a kidnapper. Farkle and Isadora walked from the Planetarium back to his house. It would sober them up a little and it was always better to walk and talk, Isadora reasoned. They'd have more time this way.

Farkle poured his heart out about his Riley-aches without hesitation. He got excited, he got mad, he got sad but through all of this, Farkle's eyes were brighter than the moon. As terrible as Riley could be to him, Farkle loved her. He loved the way she made him feel. Farkle came alive for her. He was feeling more relieved as Pluto rose from his shoulders. Yet, Farkle could see that Isadora was looking increasingly distressed.

"Isadora?" She didn't reply one time. The girl is like a light-year chatterbox and she wasn't saying a word. Instead, she was picking at her nails. Isadora was nervous about something. She's never nervous. "Hey, I'm sorry that I'm talking about Riley so much, especially when I have this totally interesting and pretty girl right in front of me..." Farkle reached his hand out to touch her shoulder and she squirmed away.

Isadora started to pace. "Are you OK?"

"I have to tell you something. It's only fair that I tell you this because you have been telling me so much about your life, even though it's kind of weird that you're telling me all this when I just gave you fellatio, but I asked for it! I asked for all of this," she told herself.

Before he could stop himself, Farkle threw his hands on her to keep her still. "Isadora - "

"No! My name isn't Isadora!" She exploded.

Farkle was taken aback, "... what?"

"No! I mean, it is but... that's not what people call me." She took a final deep breath and tucked some hair behind her ear. "They call me... Smackle."

"... Smackle?"

"Yeah, it's so stupid. I-I told the guys to just call me 'Iz' like that's what they actually do and it's... it's not."

"Smackle?" He repeated.

"Ugh! Yes! You can't be so smart and so dumb! My mother is your therapist! I knew who you were before we even met! God! No, nope. That was so rude. I am sorry. I am sorry for calling you smart and dumb. I am sorry that my name is Isadora Smackle and my mother is your therapist and I am really, really sorry that I lied this whole time!"

Farkle swallowed and tried to give his mouth enough time to catch up with his brain. "How-how did you-did your mom talk about me?"

"No. She's the most ethical doctor in her field. I found out she was treating you because... sometimes for fun, I look through her case files and... I found you. I remembered your face from the newspaper. You won the 8th grade science fair. They probably only took pictures because your father was there and honestly your research on the anatomy of an atomic bomb was kind of mediocre and well-known but... I don't know. I was, kind of happy - not about you being mentally ill but - no, yes! It made me happy because I thought you were just like me! And I had to meet you. Farkle... are you mad?"

He then saw that they were standing in front of his family's building. "Oh. We're at my house."

"Farkle, this is a building."

"Yeah."

"Dang." Isadora peered inside the lobby and noticed a man sitting at a desk but in front was a person huddled. A girl was sitting with her face in her knees, on the ground, in a pretty, white dress. She turned around and looked at Farkle staring at the girl. "Is that her? Riley?" He swallowed, then nodded. Now, putting his attention on Smackle, Farkle noticed the glistening tears in her eyes.

"Smackle, I'm not mad at you." He palmed her cheek.

"I'm not crying because of that. I'm crying because I never thought I could be so deceitful, especially to someone I respect so much. I'm sorry."

Farkle's thumb wiped away her tear and he leaned into her to give a soft kiss on the cheek. "It's OK. I'm sorry I said someone else's name while we - y'know."

She made a small laugh, "yeah. I guess we're even, in a way." Farkle and Smackle looked back into the lobby once more and now, Riley was gazing right at the two of them wondrously through smeared mascara.

"Wow, she's beautiful." Smackle stated.

"Yes. Sometimes." He frowned, then told Smackle, "I better go in and handle that. My driver will take you back home."

"What are you going to say to her?"

"I don't really know." Farkle shrugged. He didn't even know how he was feeling about her anymore. "But... I do know I'd like to see you again, Smackle."

Smackle's goofy smile was incredibly bright. "Really?"

"Yes. Honestly, I'm flattered that someone would go to such lengths just to talk to me. I don't even think anyone has ever said sorry to me before. And I like you."

"I like you too, Farkle."

Then, like out of a fairy-tale, Prince Minkus bent down and kiss Princess Smackle's little hand.

"So... I'll call you, later?" He charmingly peered up and asked.

Smackle nodded. "Later."

Farkle took her to the car and gave the driver the direction to take her anywhere she wanted to go. The taillights disappeared and his grin did same. For it was time for him to meet his maker. Farkle walked into his family's building. Darrick told him good evening but he said nothing. Riley watched his feet go by and she hurried after him, keeping silent. They rode together in the elevator, standing on the opposite sides. When the doors opened, Farkle left first and Riley followed. Arriving at his apartment, Farkle opened the door and left it wide open.

Just as predicted, Riley came inside and start pleading her case but Farkle wasn't going to wast anymore of his time.

"Farkle, I - "

"Save it." Calmly, Farkle took off his suit jacket and removed his watch. "I'm really not interested in anything you have to say, Riley."

"But, no, you have to understand! I was just trying to liven up the party! I know that you have a really bad time at these things so -"

"Riley, you did this for your own selfish amusement and nothing more. Stop pretending like you were thinking about me. Stop pretending like you care at all!"

"Farkle - "

"Be quiet! I'm talking now." Farkle yanked off his tie. "I was your friend. When you were rude, I made excuses. When you were selfish, I overlooked it. I was willing to do anything for you, I love you more than anyone. Riley, I love you for free because that was I thought true love was. But it's not. It's only true love if it is reciprocated! Every time I ever needed you, you were somewhere else. You decided something - _someone_ else was more important than me - "

"That's not true!" She cried out.

"Yes! Yes, it is! When it really counts, like it did tonight, you couldn't give a fuck about what I wanted or needed. As long as you're getting what you want, nothing matters, nobody matters! Riley only cares about Riley."

"Stop! Farkle, please! Tonight wasn't who I really am. You know who I am!"

"And I love you anyway!" His voice was tearful as he gazed into her amber eyes. "But just as I could choose to you love so easily, I can take it back. From now on, I choose not to love you. You can find someone else to abuse." It felt good to Farkle to be so cold. He felt like a true Minkus now.

"Farkle, you don't mean anything you're saying. You're just upset - "

"Shut up. I don't want to hear you speak anymore. You have five seconds to get out of my sight, before I forcibly remove you."

Through her sniffles and sobs, Riley managed a soft, "no."

"No?"

"I'm not leaving, until you forgive me."

God, she was so stubborn. If Farkle wasn't careful, he'd start to fall for her again.

"Fine. Have it your way." Farkle sighed, rolling up his sleeves and charged towards the frail girl. He snatched her by the arm and dragged her to the door. He muted the protests she was making and threw her in the hallway, slamming the door in her face. After, Farkle pressed his whole body weight against his door. Riley banged and screamed on the other side like a child. She was begging him. Farkle was feeling his heart rip in half. He covered his face with his hands, not knowing what to do anymore.

If he opened this door, he was allowing himself to be played again. Farkle was saying everything was OK. Nothing had to change. But maybe that was wrong. Maybe, this time, he could play the game his way, instead of hers. Maybe he could finally win. When Riley's crying went to a low, soft murmur, the door creaked open. She flew in and immediately jumped into Farkle's arms. She covered his face in chaste pecks, telling him she's sorry and she loves him.

Suddenly, Farkle cuffed her wrists in his hands. He put her arms around her back and walked them to his bedroom. When they arrived, Farkle pushed her onto the bed. Riley turned over, looking up at him, not quite scared but intrigued.

"You love me?" He whispered, dark.

"Yes."

"Show me." Farkle undid the belt of his pants. Riley watched him and slid down the sleeves of her dress slowly. But then, Farkle climbed over top of her and forced up the end of the gown. His eyes fixed on the pure white underwear. He hooked his fingers on the light fabric, pulling them down her thighs. "Put your arms up." He commanded. Riley did as she was told and Farkle pulled the dress over her head. She tried to undress him too but Farkle restrained her. He wasn't sure if he wanted Riley touching him ever again.

Farkle was sure to fuck Riley, not make love to her. He wanted her to feel like a toy. Farkle knew porn isn't accurate of healthy sex and shouldn't be reenacted without consent but when he bent her into every position he could think of, she didn't say no. Probably because she was trying to placate Farkle. Little did she know, this wasn't about the party or how he was treated in the past. For Farkle, this was the initiation of the new being that he would become. Someone who could put himself before others. Someone who wasn't afraid. Someone who truly didn't give a fuck anymore because nothing matters.

* * *

In the morning, Farkle left Riley alone in his bed. He left to get some coffee at Topanga's. In his barrage of texts from her, Riley kept asking where he was and saying that she missed him. He answered none. Farkle took his laptop from his backpack and opened it to find footage and pictures from his birthday party all over every credible and tabloid site on the internet.

As he was scrolling past Rudy Giulani motorboating the governor's wife, Topanga came out with his coffee. "Hey, saw you come in."

"Hi, Mrs. Matthews. Thanks."

She leaned on the counter and Farkle pulled the screen toward him. "So, Riley didn't come in last night."

"Everyone stayed at my place. They're all still sleeping." He lied and took a sip of his black coffee.

"Must've been some party." The woman smiled and Farkle gave her a fake one. When she went back into the bakery, he traveled over to a rip-off TMZ page. Then, his email alarm went off. Farkle went to check it and saw that it was from Princeton University. He gulped and clicked on the email.

_Dear Farkle,_

_We are pleased to inform you that we have accepted you into Princeton's Freshman Summer Program!_

In disbelief, he scoffed a tiny giggle but then the giggles turned into laughter, next to guffaws. Everything was random, wasn't it? All of the science, all of the research, all of the preparation, all of the pain - what was the point of it all? Topanga entered carefully onto his little scene. She doesn't think she ever saw this kid laugh so hard.

"Hey, what's so funny?"

Farkle caught his breath and wiped a little tear from his eye. "I got into the Princeton summer program."

"Farkle! That's wonderful!" Topanga beamed.

"Thanks! Hey, Mrs. Matthews, do you think I could still have one of those red velvet cupcakes?"

"Sure, kiddo." She bent down and took a cupcake from the counter window. "I thought cake wasn't your thing?"

"Only because my parents don't like me eating it."

"What changed your mind?"

This time, Farkle's smile was authentic as he shrugged, "none of this stuff really matters in the end, right?" He took a bite of the cupcake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm at peace with how long these are now. However, I am at school so, I need to put this much effort into the papers I write. Anyway, sorry for the wait. Hope you liked the ending. 
> 
> Next up: Zay.


End file.
